In Bedtime Stories that is. =)
I had a blast watching that show..wat can i say? Adam Sandler's in it and he's perfect in every way. Watched it with Paddles....Now suddenly i'm brain dead after typing that last word. So what else? Not much at all. I laughed a bit too much in the cinema (i think) and somehow i ended up wearing the wrong outfit again. Haiz...it all seems too awkward a lil..

Nonetheless, at least my Christmas din turn out so bad this year, in the sense that at least someone accompanied me out...Santa din give me a single damn thing...maybe i've been bad..or notti the whole year round huh? Hmmm...Thanks for making me smile, even for a short while that night. I felt as if you were Santa. Though nothing was given physically..i am happy enough to be able to spend that night with you. I din wanna go home....coz you'd know why.....My heart stopped when i saw those stars in the sky..all twinkling down at us that night. Makes me recall the times on how i used to close your eyes and force you to make wishes...And i hope you'd know why i din make any wishes this time round....they don come true like how i all along expected it to..We are friends.....friends wish each other. I guess it'll be that way.

"Ants lay their eggs in the water....." and "Oh..look..it's a kiwi!!".......all too funny....

After watching that Bedtime Stories, something kinda reignites in me that fairytales are real and they can actually happen in this modern time. If only it seems so simple as to get 2 kids to tell me the ending to my pathetic life story..or get someone to continue it for me...i'm tired..honestly. Waiting for a miracle that never seems to happen..but i'm sure no Cinderella...

I should bind myself..for all the unhappiness i've been through in 2008, for all the tears i've shed, the headaches and migranes in the middle of the night, the wrist slashing at all the unhappy tots, the puking when i'm in deep thinking, the aimless life routine and so much more. I wish i can be Peter Pan for a day..at least there'll be lots of happy tots for me to play around with.

It makes me wonder at times...all these....makes me conclude that God don't love me as much as he love the rest.

Reading Tasha's blog reminds me of the time i was young once..a time where i was in love once. Some way or another, happiness don last long in my world. So after 4 years it all crumble down to just faded memories. At least i learn to let go, at least i am proud to say, i learn to stand up. Unlike for some....tsk. Not everyone is the same i know.....but i learn so much this year. Then again, just when i tot i was ready to be happy again, things crumbles down again.

Maybe it's my fault. One should NEVER EVER pin hopes unnecessarily and my only fault this time was to get heavily carried away....to get so lost and drown myself so immensely in someone i barely know....all too fast...let's just say...so unlucky-ly me. Maybe those types are all the same. I'm not surprised if i'm left here alone without goodbyes. Goodbyes hurt too much.

I don believe in new year resolution coz i have been known to many not to fulfil them...however this coming year, i shall make it a point to make a few.

1) Never ever trust guys..coz someway or another they are dick heads (MATS to be precise)
2) Dos types will never change...don give a fuck the next time round..unless flings
3) Don be a sour grape
4) Bikers.....hmmm....
5) Don look again....don try to...

So hopefully i can keep to my word. And one more thing, i realise, it's actually taboo to write about LOVE in blogs...so maybe i won't do it next time. (if anyone ever comes by dat is)

Again, before i am penalised like the other time, this is not indicated at anyone, not even Paddles...its just another diary entry from a very sad girl...just lost in her own little world.



Who's there??













Moo Moo













Moo Moo Who??













Moo moo...cow in the zoo....

Haha...i still remember this and i still laff at this one...Very cacat pon ader.. now...what have i been up to? Not much really...I went to the Botanical Gardens yesterday with Mei2 and it was really "cooling". For a start, a "jakunese" like me have never been there and so i was in awe of everything i saw. I acted like a 4year old again when i saw the 2 swans by the lake. And 1 of the swan's feather came off and i picked it up and brought it home with me as souvenier..haha..(showed my mum but she smacked me instead..say "kalau bird flu mcm maner giler??"....geesh)

We stayed there barely for an hour..i mean lain lah ye kalo with boyfriend ke..ni tak..just me and her..what oni..I even saw a frog..but the poor thing's leg seems to have been either crushed or bitten by another animal. (probably a tortoise?? hmmm..) It was red and swollen. Honestly it was sucha painful sore for me and my fren to see. =( It even looked at us sadly...that kinda solemn face u noe and that help-me-please look pon ader...haiz...when i tried approaching it nearer, it got scared and started hopping on the steps but what i noticed was even sadder. The swollen leg seems almost uselessly dead coz it wasn't moving and it was slapping against the steps as the frog hopped onto every step.

Nontheless, my day was made up quickly when we stopped for lunch at my fave Sakae Sushi. We spent $60++ bucks there...dunno what i picked but i know mostly was Salmon lah...hehe..then of coz, my day out couldn't be complete without any retail therapy done to satisfy myself. I bought tons of ruffled undies and bras..dunno for what but i guess mostly were pink and you all know how obsess i am with pink right? Hmm...i also stopped by my fave shop, Cotton On and boy, they were having BIG sale..up to 50%..u can imagine the frenzy...haha...

Then Dad came to pick me up and we went to do more minor shopping and finally home by evening......My day seems mostly routined coz either i'm at home or out with mum and Dad. (Maybe with Ah2 or the occasional sweethearts who'll ask me out...)

I've been sighing too much...yesterday when i asked Mei2 to snap a pic of me by the lake, i was shocked by the aftermath. I din quite realised i've become that painfully thin. My arm seems like twigs in a way and my collar bone potruding out seems so unlike me. Haiz....I, used to be oh-so-bubbly and eat way too much garbage till the point i ballooned up to 65kg. I ate and ate..and i could eat pastas, cakes, ice creams, shakes, chocs...all at one go. These days however, my daily diet, either ends up down the toilet bowl, or if i'm lucky, i'll manage half a McChicken/DoubleCheese.

It just dawned on me that when i'm happy, i forget everything else. Only when i am stressed, depressed or unhappy will i stop all. I don want alot of things to end or go wasted if i can manage. Given any source of magical powers, i'd only keep one thing....coz that one particular thing makes me smile. I know certain things are beyond keeps. These days i'm OK again...not really there yet..but OK to keep me crack a little smile or eat something the least.

There are things i wish that can last forever..but obviously not. Now its momentarily, like as if i'm borrowing this happiness. When i look up at the sky, i wish upon the brightest star, the North Star........but never once did the silly stars hear me....maybe i'm too far away...

Hmm...ooh...btw, i watched Twilight already and it gives me goosebumps. Almost exactly to the book, this one is sure to be the next hot thing to Harry Potter. I giggled and smiled when Edward leaned over to kiss Bella. Though doom from the start, even vampires prove that as long as sacrifices are made, anything can work out....everything can be possible. LOVE is the most powerful feeling in this world. It makes your heart stops beating and yet racing with heat at the same time.

So right now, i'm in love with Edward Cullen.

I wish i was Bella Swan......hahaha.....One last thing, sorry if this entry proves to be longer than usual... =)



Hmmmmm.......either i'm fucking nuts or i just don understand English or i just have too much emotions in me. By the way, i am fine...don get shock like you all do when i say i don eat or i puke way too much ate the sight of food...it's just me aite...the way i react when i am under tremendous stress. Never in my right mind have i thought this pathetic puking would come back or that wrist slashing...geesh....some people just won't change..and i'm one of them =)



Now in my heart right now...i miss a 1001 things about him. And he probably knows it too. My response towards him is always stiff and i noe it when i type the SMS...aloof...stern..monotone..Can't help it really..not that i want to. Certain things are hard to explain.The unfortunate part is, birds of the same feather all flock together and i doubt there's anyway i can make that distintive. It's almost impossible especially when i am clapping alone...no lemme say that again...it's totally impossible to do that ever.



Sometimes addiction to something is bad. Of all the things in this planet, i have to be addicted to something/someone who doesn't even appreciate. Probably, my assumption. It's half hearted. I listened to Simple Plan- Addicted this morning and felt lika sucha dick...Guess that's explainable. And i'm still going "hmmmmm"...

Hai....heartbreakers.....

"How long will i be waiting?? Until the end of time...i dunno why i'm still waiting...i can't make you mine....I'm trying to forget that, i'm addicted to you..what i wanted and i needed, i'm addicted to you...now it's over..can't forget what you say..and i never..wanna do this again...HEARTBREAKER....."


Why is friendship so complicated??? (you'll always be mine...besties. twisties.)

What am i mumbling about...i dunno....i feel so painful today...yesterday, the day before..since last week....since forever it seems...when can i stop saying "OUCH" huh??



True what Sharifah told me once....it doesn't matter if it's years or months or even weeks or days..bottom line is, it will still hurt somehow...but the situation here differs a great deal...coz i was clapping one sided...hw can there ever be sound? Rite..and i'm still going "hmmm..."

If you, if you could return
Dont let it burn, dont let it fade
I�m sure I�m not being rude
But it�s just your attitude
It�s tearing me apart
It�s ruining everything
And I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey so did you
So why were you holding her hand
Is that the way we stand
Were you lying all the time
Was it just a game to you
But I�m in so deep
You know I�m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger
Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrongI was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn�t be so confused
And I wouldn�t feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you
And I�m in so deep
You know I�m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to. do you have to
Do you have to let it linger
And I�m in so deep
You know I�m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger
You know I�m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger



Maybe i'm no longer remembered as often as you used to. Though we are still friends..i feel that you have drift..so far like the summer autumn leaves it seems.

I'll remember the silly things and smile. Like this 1st message eva, "Hi, we have the same age..yay!"

Or "I-----N fear njing"...(wth....??) or even when i see a similar black Honda bike or that Pizza Hut rider...

I just remembered...Just a reminder that today marks 3 months of friendship. If i am still considered one yours, HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY.

Be happy always..i pray you get what you want and wish for. Take care..........



This is definitely the cutest thing...nice on my back..or my waist... =)






I am being just mere me. If my heart stops beating over this, i am being utterly foolish. I don't count on lucky stars no more..or even believe in anonymous fairytales. Life moves on like a flowing river they say. I am a big girl...and i won't cy. And i will state yet again, i am NOT a princess any longer coz i may not neccesarily get what i want all the time. Human beings makes mistakes..and me too, and that without even realising, i got carried away. Like a kite would be, i am stable when being controlled. Let the strings go loose, and i'll end up flying so high..eventually i may even be lost within that clouds in the air.

I cried watching UGLY BETTY on thursday. What would you do if you have to choose? One whom you love or one whom loves you, who would it be??? I never had to make that choice in my life thank god..hopefully never ever. I guess the only choice i am capable of making right now is loving myself more each day. I lost that. Maybe i fell off the wagon without realising so what was i thinking...and i went, "hmmm".

There's so many things i need to release but sometimes people misinterpret your thoughts. Like for example, i didn't quite realised that i had flaws.

I may be quite clingy but its not my fault if i get the wrong idea upteen times, i may be ordinary but that's just me,i may be cheeky or even horny but what can i do about temptation? I may not be all that beautiful, but i am kind and patient to wait, i am not the most understanding person ever but i don't always demand. Overall, i am not perfect coz i am just a normal person.

Others may think i lost myself coz i was lost for over a year. Call it rebound if i had gotten that chance...but it is not. A heart don't lie i suppose. What can i do coz i am just a simple girl, yearning for the sincerity of love and the care of someone? If it is even a crime, asking for a hug or a kiss and then getting carried away, then i am guilty as charged. If liking someone was a grave mistake, i should have been executed for it.

Contradicting my ownself, but i see my life like that and feels like i am that kinda person potrayed. People can be judgemental i assume. When i thought happiness can be forever, it's always short lived. Mandy Moore's "Cry" lyrics just keeps playing in my head since Thursday......."I'll always remember, it was late afternoon..it lasted forver..but ended so soon........" Sounds familiar to what i am leading now..

This blog is not directed at anyone in particular. I am just pouring thoughts here as usual. Feeling burdened is heavy and restless. Maybe i am no longer the same. I have re-read this post over 10 times....i guess i'll just post.



I'm not smiling...what the fuck was i thinking eh??

Great...all my cheeseburger went down the toilet bowl and so did my apple pie and lychee and chrysanthemum drinks...

DAMN!



I really by right shouldn't be posting this coz i am in a better mood today instead of yesterday...or worst on my last entry...still..this song describes all how i feel...deeply, truly,madly... =)

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
Cuz baby I can't sleep

But it all seems that...i am just gonna be going thru another phase and this one will be an "Experience". I thought about that word the whole night.....it keeps replaying itself like a spoilt tape recorder would in my mind over and over again....Well, somethings are meant to be whilst some are not. Maybe as my last entry wrote, i am not the prettiest girl your eye caught..or just maybe you just never did get over her. I am jealous in a way...in a way that i can never be in your heart like she managed to, in a way she left her little footprints all over your heart and i couldn't do the same......and probably in a 1000 more ways.....

Well...i really shouldn't be thinking anymore coz i don wan this little "fun" or whatever you call it to end so soon. I am already breaking up for dunno what reason this time round and trust me, it sure is no fun, especially when you start barfing all the food you just ate few minutes ago.

Hmmm....maybe i foresee myself losing more weight in the next few months again...haha...

And today, you made me laugh all over again and forgot about yesterday so soon. That's typically magic of you to do that thing you do without even realising...haha..silly...but i'll always heart.....hmm...



Sometimes i wonder..am i weak or am i just fragile...

Nope, i don't fall for every guy i meet down the street neither do i tell them i like them so frequently. Then why is it that i am hard to accept?

Is it coz i am sucha goody two shoes? Or maybe because i don't have the blonde hair you like?? Maybe i am not as petite nor as lithe as i should be? I am not as gentle and a thousand times as pretty and demure as the other girls that cathes your eyes it seems? Or is it just plainly because i am dull and boring plain Jane??

I have asked so many questions but i never seem to get an answer for all of them.

Is it even wrong to like someone in the first place?

For what i know, my likings towards you is honest and truth of feelings comes from my heart. I don't say this so often to any guys. Thus pardon me for being blunt...i am not good at all this but i believe that if you like someone, you oughtta let them know for it might just be a little too late someday.

I will wait...i can wait...but i wonder how long that will take.

It's equivalent to wating for a green bean plant growing into a giant bean stalk.

To me, you're special, you are different..and i feel happy enough and privilleged to be lying on that shoulder, to get a hug when i am cold, to have that hands firmly gripped onto mine when i am scared and to be able to give a kiss on that cheek.

The best part of it all, to watch you smile when i am doing so, when we are underneath the milky starry twilight.

I don't want all this to end......this could be a part of my fantasy always...or if the silly stars are right, it'll come true and i could be your princess someday.

Again, this is all my feelings i which decide to pour in today, to devoid myself of the unnecessary stress and the unhappiness within me...and i am sorry if i have to apologise should you start thinking too.

This is today. This is yet another diary entry from me.



Me and Paddles went to Bugis yesterday..well to do some window shopping...(for him..i bought a sweater..) Anyways...while walking ard the flea market, an old guy tapped him and said "Assalamualaikum" and he happened to be those people yg mcm mintak sedekah but uses the excuse of "ikhlas" to cover it up. He passed Paddles this ayat2 stickers and we then moved from there..yupz, without giving a single cent of coz...haha..

Then after we crossed the road, we bumped into the same guy again and again he said the same thing to Paddles. Poor babe was stunned..haha..but oh well, we managed to get away again after he said, "Yeah you already passed me those just now.." Now for the freaky part, after a long detour of food hunting at the basement and seat space findings, we sat at these steps just near the traffic light facing the ERP signage. The same guy came and tapped Paddles again!!I was as stunned as he was was while having donuts stuffed in my mouth...-_- strange..

Now for the last bit, after munching on our donuts, we were walking back towards the traffic light heading back near the flea market when we saw the same guy heading our direction! Geez..

I really dunno whether that's pure coincidence or just a freaky incident of bumping into someone 4 times at Bugis! Come on..the place huge man....and why does he have to tap my poor babe of all the others right??? hahha..Maybe it was just another curious case of mindful forgetting...in terms of old age that is... =)