Nothing Compares To You

2009-10-17T03:39:00.000-07:00

hey all...ive decided that my life have come yet to another end and theres no further point in sharing much of it wit u guys....its all been a routine and cycle all along...it has all been part of dream and im hurt to say yet another chapter is over...needless to say im tired....i just wanna sleep for a long long time.....

with this..i bid you guys adieu.....

you all have my number...beep me msg me...i promise i will try to reply...hugs...

2009-09-27T07:49:00.000-07:00

Most of the time, often i would say, i think God hates me to a whole lot of extent. Thing is..i never tend to get what i desire or dream of. Even if i do get it someday, it'll be snatched away from me before i could even finish smiling and beam happily. I don get why. Maybe i am full of sins or grave mistakes i did in my past life? I dunno..it breaks my heart..it breaks me naturally of coz.

I envy tons of things to which my sisters life holds for them in the near future. One is getting engaged next month and the other is far from happy, attached and planning of marriage life. When my mum asks me when's my turn..i dunno how to answer. I have a boyfriend. That's true but still more than often, i lay in my bed at nite with tears flowing down my face. They say, when LOVE hurts, it won't work. =(

Haiz......i love my boyfriend with all my heart...but it always seems that i don get the same treatment back from him. It's a call and just an SMS today and i'll get one more the next few days. I NEVER get a call from him and i yearn for someone whom i can call my best friend and share my daily ups and downs with so badly. When PADDLES was around, he'd cheer me up with tons of his daily crap and crack me up instantly. I don have dat and it's a void in my life now. Where did i go wrong?? What did i do?? Or perhaps what do i lack??

For now LOVE is all i can afford to give and it does seem like i have given all..every part of me..but why does this still hurts alot? And why do i feel so alone despite having someone already? I don wan to slash my wrists anymore and pop those pills just to go to bed and forget my sorrows.....i have already stopped all that sometime ago....please don make me do all these shit again...i'm so tired of things.....i no longer reap what i sow.............

All i want is a best friend...........a friend whom i can talk to daily....i am just a normal girl..don forget that..i too need time, love and all that attention....despite the fact that i make people laugh and smile...i want to learnt how to laugh myself too....if i could, i'd sell my soul to the Devil for this exchange =(

*Dear God.....i seek your forgiveness should i have done any wrong doings or have done agreat deal of sin....please grant me happiness and tons of laughter...i don mind in exchange for poverty...i just want an easy peaceful life....and LOVE...*

2009-09-21T00:44:00.000-07:00

Here's to update my mundane blog...

Salam AidilFitri..maaf zahir dan batin sekirenyer tersilap kater atau terkasar bahasa...
Bulan yang mulia ini, semoga semua dilupakan dan gembira lah kiter sesame..Minal aidil walfaizin..

2009-09-12T09:46:00.000-07:00

Just did this.....hmm..whaddaya all think?? Seems to be an error somewhere in the html...but i can't seem to detect....

2009-09-06T09:26:00.001-07:00

With so many pregnant mummies around me, i'm knitting this all over again...nice or not?? (Ring a bell Syarifah?? =D)

It's not that perfect as you all know, i self taught myself the knitting techniques by reading tons of books and going online to find the simplest patterns of all. My favourite site ever has got to be Knitting Pattern Central. It's brilliant coz it has got everything you need to know and if you do crochet, there are some good patterns for you to work on as well. Go visit the site if you have the time or should i say interest in crafts like me. My mum finds it strange that i have no absolute patience whatsoever when i step into the kitchen but when it comes to knitting, i can even undo the stitches should there be a huge gaping hole in the middle of a sweater i am knitting if that means 20 over inches from that hole done. Each to his own =)

The other day while my mum and i were joking around calling each other animal names (yupz..she calls me 'udang' and i call her 'sapi'..how crazy??) it was at that exact point in the midst of our conversation that i realised Malays are mostly lazy bums...no offence at the so called discovery i've made but here's why.

When Malays speaks, they tend to shortened most of the words or slang it and over time, it becomes a fixture to the word, a common thing.

Eg:
Suratkhabar - Instead of saying it properly, we all says it as "SOK-KHABAR". Haha..tak betol tu? Unlike in English, where even if we slang Newspaper or shortened it, it will still be called as "PAPERS" and thus, the word is still very much found in the dictionary. But "SOK-KHABAR"???

Kurang ajar - This is even worser.....i just realised that it becomes "KONG-NGAJAR" coming out of most peoples mouth! Gasp!! In English it'll mean rude but short can we shortened that word to?

So to end this crappy post, there's always campaigns promoting other languages like the "SPEAK MANDARIN" thingy...but hw can you start a new language and learn it when you can't even speak and master your very own Mother Tongue?? I find it funny...

2009-09-03T09:05:00.000-07:00

why isit that when i already have someone, i still have no one?? =(

2009-09-01T08:53:00.000-07:00

I MISS THIS SO SO MUCH....................................

*ps/ ICE CREAM THAT IS......... x(

2009-08-25T08:33:00.000-07:00

It will just be photos today..as promised =)

Some of Ah2 engagement's day..the rest are on my Facebook.....

K..shut up..i know i look like crap...bah!!

I MOMOK.....

Ni lah...pompan takbleh duduk diam.....

So freaking happy for this girl. I guess some people just falls into the super lucky category. It's just like they don't have to search for any four clove leaves and put it in their pocket and even carry it for luck with them. Some people are born with it.

I'm not complaining...thing about this girl is, she deserves it.....with Ah2 around i never had to clench my fist secretly and wished that i could murder her in my own mind..you know the kinda relationship you have with certain of your friends?? Ah2 always makes people around her smile and i should be goddamn lucky when she decided to rescue me from my long forlorn days of unrequited love and that state of a broken hearted hag.

I may not be her best friend but to me, she's the BEST anyone can have and i'm glad she's there to perk me when i'm down you see. Honestly, i am glad we've never ever fought and that's sucha simple friendship we've got. I'm always laughing wanting to pee my pants off around her....but Ah2 is so silly and fun..i tend to forget pain and troubles each time we have a get together and bitch...

So 2 years down the road, i hope i'll be able to attend her wedding and hopefully...*cross fingers* i'll still be with the same guy. It's so hard to keep a relationship steady you noe....it's all the trust and freedom and the ability to understand one another...

2009-08-17T02:46:00.000-07:00

ok2..peeps...slap me hard puhleaze?? janji banyak2 but tak dapat di tepati..(che bah..speaking malay i eh...) anyways...ok..my internet connection da cut off...Singtel sucks lah ok. I just used it on the night b4 and it got cut off the very next day and guess what?? I shocked the undies off me when i saw the bills! Those half moronic twits actually charged us 2 months bills and it all adds up to $600 altogether!!!! (all that MIO, internet and phone bills...which i HAVE NEVER GODDAMN used lah ohkay....) *geram*

so that's sad to say that i can't post any cool pics since May just like i have promised you all that many weeks back...hahah...i can't even tag people on Facebook lah and i can't read porn(????) hahaa...back to reality....

my bestie and beloved Ah2 got engaged finally!! Boy i'm soooooooooooooooo happy for her...and she did look so so pretty you know....(Mr Apiz aka Chip...i'm warning you to take very good care of her or else...*ahem* i'll see what i can do to you... -_-) I sometimes do wonder when my turn will come...all those exchange of platters seems very exciting....maybe i'll just be left off the shelves eventually eh?? who knows?? life is always so unpredictable...and my dear boyfriend here?? Not that i'm bringing him down...he's the sweetest that's ever happened...but at 25 when nothing's happened yet, you do tend to get worried a wee bit you noe...what more when the parents bark at you all the time kan??

i'll post the pics some time soon k.....

meanwhile...Syarifah..aku nak cupkeks agi boleh???? sedap lah yang pink tu kau bake kan....menjilat2 aku cup kosong dier...dasyat kan aku?? haha

to adek tasha.....nooooo u still look naima silly....and i had those hair cuts way before you all do...(if you count it as a boy's hairdo...) ur MISSED baby pooh!! nanti lah...akak dapat kerje i'll bring all of you out to eat lah yaw?? hugs and kisses to you all....

2009-07-15T08:50:00.000-07:00

Sungguh happy!! Now i can finally getta chance to blog ever after again! My bro got his free Singtel lappy finally after weeks of endless but worth it wait. *dances* But can't go and upload all the pics now..maybe tomorrow nite, my entry's gonna be packed with pics since May..now don you strawberries eyes gets sore after dat...don blame me...*guffaws*

So a word of caution, perhaps get that little bottle of eyemo by your side ready aite? Hahah...

I'm still fucking jobless if you peeps are wondering. I don understand. True the world may now be facing some economic crisis shit but how come with vacant jobs being published in the papers daily, it makes me wonder who does all that posts goes to. Don you all dare think that i'm not doing anything cept' for being idyllic at home. I have by far applied for posts at pet shops, The Singapore Zoo and even places like The Walt Disney. I am at my most pathetic and most miserable phase. It's not the best thing to stay at home far too long at my age coz parents will start to think you're useless.....and i am feeling exactly just like that now! But what can i do and who can i even blame??

My boyfriend???? Haiz....he's ALWAYS busy with his work stuffs....always with his BNS boys.....i can't whine nor am i supposed to be complaining about this. I am not supposed to make him think that i am pretty much those typical girls who gets too clingy and desperate. So there...another HAIZ...........i'm so bored, upset and all mixed up right now that i can't quite think straight. I can't always ask my beloved Ah2 out coz that sweetheart is getting engaged next month and shes all busy doing preparations now.

Ooohhhhh...i'm sooooo sooooo happy for her. Sometimes i can't help being envious of her almost perfect life...almost too good to call it a fairytale. If anyone pops by and wanna marry me someday, i will definitely say YES without second thoughts. I've always imagined myself to settled down around this age....what to do? My fate lies where it should be right as it is....if you all noe what i'm saying...

So enough of me complaining for the night. Handing back the lappy to the bro....Niteys all!

2009-06-12T05:41:00.000-07:00

No time for updates these days....no free internet access sucks. i've got like tons of pics to upload man...that explains why i haven been replying to a single tag on my tagboard. anyways, i'm in my school library now and taking quick chance to log in..sneaky...supposed to be doing my Japan research coz paper's due on Thursday and Law is due on Tuesday. Why the heck am i blogging?? Mind clogging..geez...

Anyways, Happy MonthlySary to Boyfriend. These past months have been a rollercoaster hasn't it baby bear. I miss you...i miss and love everything about you...you know dat don you B?? Thanks so much for everything you've given and done for me. I couldn't as for more you know. Hopefully this rollercoaster doesn't just stop here. I want this ride to carry on for a long time..so much so that it'll make me giddy..haha...aper lah sajer ye?

kays..gota go back to hunting for the perfect essay. ciaoz!

*PS/I love you Ah2!! Biler nak g "You got cum session??" Haha....
*PS//I love you more too B!
*PS///I love you all strawberry busok!

2009-06-05T23:52:00.000-07:00

Firstly...i am on semi hiatus mode. Why you peeps may ask??

I GOT FUCKING FIRED FROM MY PREVIOUS JOB.

fucking awesome rite? i am now rotting at home or hanging out with Boyfriend once in a while. (or with my beloved ah2)

2ndly......i'm quite sad to say that my grandma passed away on Wednesday and we all attended the funeral on Thursday morning. I did ended up crying though i am not the least close to her. It breaks my heart that i never got the chance to know her well. I cried coz it made me feel remorse about the way i sometimes treat my parents. Seeing my late grandma's body lay in the ground is heart wrenching...true everybody will have to go someday.....but its last minute moments like this that makes us, the living sad to leave or even carry on with live suddenly.

i am now at a cyber cafe...i miss my boyfriend. he hasn't called me since yesterday....not that i know the reason why. *sobs*

gotta go...blog again another day.

*PS/ I love you tau B...sometimes i just wish you can see things the way i see them too....

2009-05-03T04:16:00.000-07:00

I need my usual laughter dosage MORE. Yupz..Boyfriend does make me laugh...but i just happen to need a lil more of it in my life to forget pain. Like the other night, when i couldn't get to bed, i started rummaging and going through my CDs/DVDs collection and i found, of all things there, Paddles DVD. Well he burnt it and passed it to me one night. Gosh..haven mentioned that name for a long time now...feels weird and awkward....well, he'll always no doubt be a friend to me. This DVD contains spoofs of Oprah, Steven Segal and Queer Eye for a Guy. I almost peed on my bed laughing too much watching it. I wonder where he gets this kinda spoof crap from. YouTube maybe...*shrugs* i dunno......he's full of craps himself anyways.

I'm stress.....honestly. My parents treats me like i'm a fucking 10 year old. They monitor me round the clock and asks who i am out with, what time am i coming home, asks for numbers of the person i am out with...what the fuck right?? I'm fucking 25 for fuck's sake. Now they HATE me, that's the least i am thinking and the impression they are giving me judging from the stares of their faces. Can you believe, my Dad called my work place just to check whether i am working today and when i answered, he started yelling on the phone as to why i am i always coming home at 3am these days......he wans to see my Boyfriend and screws him up. Like for real.....I mean....gawwwwwwwwddddddd...give me some space won't ya??

I feel like taking a knife and end my freaking life sometimes. I can't breath when you smother me like this. You wan me to get married but how i to do that when i am not allowed to date? Now you wan me engaged....why the hell would i do that to my 1month old Boyfriend??? Scare the shit off him and make him run so far away? I am just learning to stand up with his aide....

Can someone please tell me why my parents are like this? I can't even make my passport and get outta Singapore!!! I can't to this, i can't do that...i might as well fucking hang myself and die ya know.....i feel so pain pain....like i need to cut my wrist again and pop 10 of those yellow tablets tonight...........................

2009-04-30T04:04:00.000-07:00

Nope...i've not been on a hiatus mode....it's just that i've been a wee bit busy....school and work have finally taken its toll on me. I was on a freaking 5 days leave last week and unfortunately i fell sick on the 2nd day...how pathetic rite? Good part of being sick? Boyfriend's pamper....bad part of being sick? Not enough rest and sleep....and constant grumpiness....Shucky....

Erm...so where do i start eh? Ohkay...let's see....i caught up with a few of my fave people. I met up with Dee on Monday for an early lunch. Yupz...i haven met this girl for the longest time in my life. I guess this truly applies for me and her....we have a true love-hate relationship for the rest of our lives. Scareeee....anywhow, we ate at Qiji and we managed to share some bits and pieces of our now life. How cool does dat sound? She's married and i'm single? How juicier can things get? Blah....I can't imagine this BFF of mine having kids some day...most likely i'll be the one getting all psyched up getting her the kid's Converse and baby stuffs...planning baby showers etc....Things could get more interesting in life later....god knows..if i have kid's someday, our kid's could perhaps even date!!! Well...i don mind my kid's dating Ah2's kids either...hahaha... berangan ikit....

For dinner, i met my ever so beloved Ah2 for our monthly Sakae Sushi session...this time, it's at Borders. =) Salmon makes me beam...wat else! Haha....I don have my cables to upload pics and furthermore i'm using Boyfriend's lappy at his shop for this post =[

Ting is, whenever Ah2 is with, she always comes up with the most ridiculous tots ever!!! Have you guys ever seen the "GOT MILK" advertisement in mags?? The one where stars drink with milk stain on their upper lips?? hahah...Ah2 and me came up with this very obscene thoughts. Imagine your partner (a guy obviously...duh) were to squirt/cum/shoots off his load in your mouth, the advertisement in porn magazines will hence have to be changed to, "GOT CUM" haha......this will obviously occurs when the girl licks her upper lips or when the guy does it on her face...errr...ohkay gross joke....never mind if you can't figure how that is done..just blame your non imaginative brain cells. =)

This bestie of mine.....either she's always horny (like me..ahem...) or she's just out to make me laugh and pee in my pants constantly. Can you imagine this other scenario? We were at the traffic light waiting for the green man....when she said, "Hot ah Sha.....". So being the ever so bimbotic self me, i replied, without thinking much, "Wan me to blow ya Ah??" Which at that instant her face lit up and she responded, "Blow me harder??"

hahahahahha...stoooopid girl....anyways, she doesn't have a dick..how do i blow her? Blah!

Ohkay ohkay....no more gross inside jokes...and so i went to Sentosa on Tuesday with my dearest Boyfriend. It's our first time here outing and playing with the waters. And boy, did we have fun. He swam...i didn't =) By the way, it's been ages since i last played with the waters here or walked along the shores of Tanjong beach and geesh..the place just got fucking dirty. Initially i thought i stepped on some dog's poop....but when Boyfriend started scrubbing my toes, he found out that it's actually oil spills!!! The poor boy of mine even ended up with some patches on his face and ears...and i had to scrub it for him....

Taken from his file... =) I think somehow he have more pics taken in his camera than mine. The rest of the other pics are in my Facebook. The connection here sucks. Not only here...even at Far East. I was blogging so happily until in got disconnected and half of my original draft were gone in a flash.

And these below are some of my pics....

2 whales stranded on the beach...call the World Wildlife Foundation anyone??? tak eh???

See.....my Boyfriend do loves me..... =)

2nd May (edited)
Things have been quite a rollercoaster of late. Like yesterday, we celebrated Shaun's birthday. The sweet sweet cousin of his gave us a treat at California Pizza. We got him a skateboard foiled balloon and a cake from Prima Deli. Anyone would love Shaun i tell ya all. He will not only make you feel welcome...but he's one of the NICEST people i've ever met. His girlfriend, Aisyah? The sweetest girl i've ever spoken to. Overall, i always laugh soooo much when i'm around Shaun.

The boys of BNS.....(L-R: My Boyfriend, Hafiz, Shaun, Fahmi and Lee)

Same buncha peeps with me being an extra.....pardon my dress if it looks like a curtain to ya all...

The HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOY......stay happy always........may you be blessed with the best of everything coz a nice person like you deserves nothing but always the best =)

2009-04-19T01:02:00.000-07:00

I'm soooo upset and stress......Mum is one thing and YOU're not even here. All i needed and all i wanted was a hug or a soothing call from you....and yet there was none??? So much for you loving me in the morning.........i'm hurt..........Okies......i'm crying............this sucks!

2009-04-18T00:38:00.000-07:00

Hahaha...like finally i've decided to change my skin...........lawa tak?? Boyfriend says i MUST be happy and so did Ah2...and hence my new skin represent the state i'm in...rainbow and pretty much happy =) Happy than ever before.....thank god.....

2009-04-15T04:59:00.000-07:00

I'm HIS....it's official even though he stated it in Facebook quite sometime ago...but with this, it really sealed the deal. Not that i'm a materialistic twit who cares about fanciful gifty items and lust after the best.....B gave me this Vestal watch as a token of his love for me. And according to him, i'm the ONLY ONE IN SINGAPORE wearing this!!!! How super duper damn cool!!!! (well apart from Sheriz his couzin's, girlfren dat is who also have the same one..but pink crsytals..) =)

I LOVE IT OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We went down Sentosa on Sunday coz it happened to be both our off days. It's rare so we made full use of our much vacant day. No interruptions whatsoever too. Well, i'm quite tired to jot down every single itsy bitsy detail and i don wish to be long winded. Furthermore ALL of you knows how Sentosa looks like already especially after i blogged about it in one of my posts where i hung out with Ah2 the whole day on dat lil island....

We 'discovered' this place! it looks so serene doesn't it?? so peaceful too...for a minute we felt like this was somewhere else instead of Singapore....ni lah org jakon tknah kluar negeri..watta do? haha..macam kampong pon ader kan????

And ooohhhh!!!!!!! I saw a peacock!!!!

Well the rest is of coz me cam whoring with him......the day was well spent....i adore this teddy bear of mine....he's the sweetest for now =)

I jus edited this pic just now...how cool!Ah2 recommended me this site which allows FREE photoshop and it's super easy! Welll for a non-IT savy dwit like me lah...haha

*B i sayang u nari, besok and always k silly??? Sometimes human beings are careless and thus we err in that way. Wake up calls will thus be necessary by then....something like dat....

2009-04-15T04:57:00.000-07:00

I've got a hater on my blog....how surprising can this be? Knowing the fact that my URL is made known to ONLY a handful of people. Either this 'passerby' knows me personally or well...could be, bearing grudges against me. Like i have said upteen times...THIS IS MY BLOG, MY SAY, MY FAIRYTALE.If i am deem as a desperado is your pathetic little eyes, let me be. Why do you have to pass such a callous remark onto me? Do i know you that upfront that you seem freely judgemental of my ways of blogging my daily life activities?
sO WHAT if i am looking for a boyfriend and seeking one for companionship? Isit wrong of me to do so? Or do i have to seek your somewhat unnecessary views on who i should be dating? Wait...or are you seething?

I am, whatever you say i am. This is my fairytale and this is the way i seek my Prince Charming. Not all fairytales have a true perfect ending and i may not be all that perfect princess you are somehow seeking or gonna be reading about. I suggest you either read this piece of entry in silence and keep the fucking comments to yourself OR you can jolly well FUCK off my page this very minute.How's dat?

I assume you DO NOT have a life of your own and hence due to the immense free time you have, you bug and poke your hairy ass into others affair. How insanely stupid can you be? Wasting time and energy like this on someone's blog and giving your two cents worth? Maybe you are deprived of attention? Tell you what, why don you go fuck your mother or a cow? Then blog about it? I'm very sure by doing so, you will achieve the target of getting readers as well as getting the attention you are very much craving for. *shrugs*

I've said my worth......unlike you over there. How moronic and imbecellic can you get after this??

Insanity of human beings do stretch far. *smirks* Nope..of coz i am not mad.........why should i be?

2009-04-08T04:45:00.000-07:00

I just realised that i have indeed TONS of things to be blogging about. Okie...lemme start with the Boards anD Stuffs party function last week. Ooh..it turned out really cool. We played Bingo and there were top 3 prizes won. My silly boyfriend din win anything and he kicked quite a big fuss about it.He so wanted a shoe you see...nevermind B, i'll get you one new one next time k??

Hehe....Ah2 and her boyfriend came along after a while. I met Shaun's girlfriend AisyaH too. She's the sweetest girl ever! Oh i so semangat i even bought them this foiled balloon and it simply states,

"CONGRATS". It comes with free stickers so i added "TO BNS" underneath the "CONGRATS". Who in the right mind goes to a
function empty handed rite? Futhermore when it's your boyfriend's? The funniest part was at the end of it when they were
about to close..Shaun decided to deflate my balloon and guess what? Sucked on the helium....hahhaa...And as soon as he was
done with that, his voice changed to a chipmunk's!! Hahaha...i laughed so hard till i teared up...and it was passed around
from him, to Hafiz, Fahmi...and eventually to my silly boyfriend. I always laugh so hard around these boys...they can sure
come up with a thousand stupid things to do i tell you and they ALWAYS say the stupidest things!

And after that, accidentally me and boyfriend ended up double dating with Ah2 and her boyfriend. It was weirdly funny.
So after we send his friend, Fahmi home, we all headed down to Jurong Point where we watched the almost close to 1am show to
Shinjuku Incident. This show gets thumbs up from me without a doubt. It leaves my eyes glued to the screen for most scenes.
Sure i'm quite a sucker for this gangster kinda show. I got hooked ever since i last watched Young and Dangerous many
years ago and it was there that i became a fan of Ekin Cheng.And due to this, i got pretty much hooked onto most of the
Hong Kong movies. Anyways, Shinjuku Incident is pretty much a sad show. Basically from my own understandings, it states
that human beings are never satisfied with their lot. From just food and shelter, we will all eventually move on to
other desires such as branded goods and other what nots. This leads to power and recognition and even then, we will all
still never be quite satisfied with our life and we will always crave more. This is what happens in the show. =( Go watch if
you wanna know what i mean....it gets 4/5 stars from me.

Well as you all can jolly well guess, my mum threw a fit when i got home. How can i even blame her when it was nearly 4+am??
I thank Ah2 boyfriend for sending me home first and then my boyfriend. We all live in the West side meaning close to one another.
Like Ah2 stays in Jurong and my boyfriend stays in Clementi. But Hafiz? He stays all the way at Tampines!!! That's freaking
far you see.....so it was very nice and kind of him to send us home =) Thank you Chip! (hahah..)

Here's pics taken at the BNS shop.....

YupZ...DATs MY BOYFREN LOOKING pRETTY sAD...AFTER BINGO...HAHA

AND HEREs HIs GOLD LIMITED EDITION supRA sHOEs....TOO GOLD FOR ME THO...

BOYFRIEND AND ME....sLENGE GITu...

THATs THE FOILED BALLOON I GOT THEM......

DATs FAHMI sQuATTING DOWN..HEs THE ONE WHO pREpARED FOOD FOR us..AND HEs A CHEF.....supER KEWL RITE...NAH..IM JusT JAKON...pERIOD. HAHA

ALL 4 OF us.....BOYFRIEND AND AH2 GOT DIsTRACTED BY sHAuN.....

I LOVE THIs pIC....MY BEsTIE...BOYFRIEND AND HER BOYFRIEND HAFIZ....CuTE suNGGuH KAN....

AWWWW....THIs FAVE COupLE OF MINE ARE GETTING ENGAGED IN AuGusT.....

On Sunday however, i knock off early from work just to go to my BFF/frenemy, Dee's wedding at Marsiling. Okie. Nothing went
right. First up, boyfriend overslept and he was late when he came to fetch me. Secondly it was pouring and so he had to park his
bike at Bukit Timah and we took a cab down. By the time i reached there, she was already gone....well she had to go over
to the guys side and i missed her! Shucks. When i asked her mum whether she was coming back, she said yup but unfortunately
for me, my boyfriend had to do some major 'business' and he had to ask me to leave. Boy was i disappointed. =( I mean i
won't ever get to see her in another wedding gown again..........i'm still pretty upset but what can i do right? We went down
to Causeway Point and settled down and ate at Sakae Sushi. No doubt eating the sushi here ALWAYS puts a smile on my face
but the fact that boyfriend had to leave to play soccer at Siglap Secondary makes my day worse than ever. So when he send me
home, i din wanna look sad but it was just automatic. *shrugs* I'm not good at expressing things. Haiz...how i wish you could
have spent the whole day with me instead B.....instead of going somewhere.........i wonder how you're gonna make up for all
these......

My mum stopped talking to me ever since i got attached. Maybe because i'm hardly home these days. When i do get home every1's
already asleep and when i get up, most of them have already left for work......i do want to find my own happiness too and
i do hope you can let me flap my wings myself. I'm 25 and it's time i do my own things and learn to fall and mend it by my
ownself. Maybe she cares too much about me and i know she loves me. But shunning me and treating me like i'm 2 year old is a
bit too much. I should by right gain ALL my freedom by now...and the reason why i always listen to her too is because i
LOVE her alot. She's my best friend. I can't always be with her coz i have other things to do too...sometimes i don get
why she's like this. It makes me think that she doesn't want me to be happy......i don wanna be stress up again and slash my
wrist in the middle of the night and pop over 20 odd pills just to go to bed....it sucks. I do hope you understands me
someday Mak....you're the best in the mum in the world. But i'm falling for this boy and i wanna see the world with him now..

Nothing's helping that i'm having my stoopid periods too now. I haven seen my boyfriend for 2 days all coz he's busy with
work. =( On Monday he had to attend to Taufik Batisah for some endorsement thingy and today despite my off day, i can't go out
coz my mum will kill me..furthermore my tummy cramps hurts. Lucky for me i had Charlene to hang out with yesterday. I miss
dat girl. Haven seen her for soooo long. Hearts her loads!

Managed to snap these whilst waiting for the bus.

Due to my intense boredom and stress yesterday night, i made this scarapbook for my boyfriend. I haven done it in a long time
and i'm glad i still have got the groove to still do it......

I'm so fucking broke now..with so many things to settle, i still wanna go get my hair done. I'm getting it rebonded this time
peeps. Time to take off my hair extensions. It's falling off anyways. On top of that, B wants me to get my driving license
and passport done ASAP! Gulps....and school's starting next week....bah!!! Gonna be another hectic month.. AND HEREs ME.....JusT pOsING ARD WITH MY puRpLE CONTACTs...sTEp ALA MAT sALLEH sKALI sKALA..AHEM...HAHAHA

2009-04-04T05:11:00.001-07:00

It breaks my heart reading magazine news about Jade Goody. She's just a few years older than i am and hence she has already passed away..just a few days ago due to cervical cancer. It's sad that she also had to leave behind her 2 sons....

Just last year we all read about her on tabloid magazines being all mean and calling Shilpa Shetty names on Big Brother UK...they then labelled her a racist and due to her upfront comments and views, some called her big mouth while others gave her crueler names due to her size as in weight. Never been a fan nor do i know much about her. It's just that i always see her appearing in magazines and news of a death is such a sudden thing.....

It makes me realise, NEVER TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED. LIFE ESPECIALLY. People come and go without us knowing. You may see me today or even tomorrow...but who can predict future rite? Cherish your loved ones dearly. Spend time with them if you have to even though if it's a mere 5 minutes....at least they will know you care......show them you love them always in whatever way you can coz you will never know if you will get the chance to ever say I LOVE YOU ever to them again someday.

Meanwhile, rest in peace to this girl.....one girl with the prettiest dimples i've ever seen............

2009-04-04T01:24:00.000-07:00

FREAKING EXCITED MACAM NAK BERAK PEEPS.....

here's the deal....BOYFRIEND'S shop is gonna have official opening later and i'm invited (like of coz...duh..) And there's gonna be 1000s of people whom i dunno and i HAVE to mingle with most of them!!! *breaths in and out* Ohkay ohkay....i have NEVER done this before...and i'm always sooo00 scared of meeting new people. I hyperventilate and then get asthma??? Geesh...nah i wouldn't wanna freak the poor boy out....and furthermore if i faint i would be stealing the spotlight from him on his glorious day like this....Shaun and Hafiz will kill me i think......And Ah2?? Maybe she'll laugh at me.....

I look like i just rolled outta bed and slipped onto my mum's 80s PJs!!! And my messy2 hair.....i'll be a dead embarrassment to him sei....how eh.....hmm......nak boho so tak menjadi gitu..sucky! Whatever happened to my fashion oso i dunno....no wonder they say...once you're attached tings go wrong..in dat sense dat is...coz you no longer focus....Bah!

I'll update on Monday or wat lah....Anyways....piccies time. I took this while i was bored at BOYFRIEND shop the other day at Far East. Hahaha...

He got me this pink Teddy when he suprised me at my work place on his off day just the other day...hehe....i heart u B!! Thank you...

Tengah concentrate...hai....

B..can i be like Avril Lavigne??? I oso nak skate2 byeh??? heheh.....

2009-04-02T23:41:00.001-07:00

I love my BOYFRIEND sooooo much.......................................perhaps he doesn't know dat yet...................If there's anything i would rather do, i'd rather be in his arms so i can smell my fave smell in the whole world....Why must such happy moments be lead to unnecessary bickering baby? Din we promise to just happy and sweet memories always??? I am sorry that i am seen as flawed in your eyes......but i am just mere human.....i haven done this for a long time.....maybe the fact that i am sick doesn't help huh? Still, i'm sorry sweetheart............

"Embun di pagi buta
Menebarkan bau asa
Detik demi detik ku hitung
Inikah saat ku pergi

Oh Tuhan ku cinta dia
Berikanlah aku hidup
Takkan ku sakiti dia
Hukum aku bila terjadi

Reff: aku tak mudah mencintai
Aku tak mudah mengaku ku cinta
Aku tak mudah mengatakan
Aku jatuh cinta

Senandungku hanya untuk cinta
Tirakatku hanya untuk engkau
Tiada dusta sumpah ku cinta
Sampai ku menutup mata
Cintaku sampai ku menutup mata

Oh Tuhan ku cinta dia
Berikanlah aku hidup
Takkan ku sakiti dia
Hukum aku bila terjadi"

2009-04-02T02:14:00.000-07:00

I'm sick and feeling rather exhausted now. At Boyfriend shop since around 2 plus watching him dusting, doing his house keeping and helped him tagged prices for his new shirt and board short range. Honestly speaking, i am bored. Boo.....i mean memang lah padan muka i come at a time when he's working and lagi pon, busy....double boo hoo. =(

Well i do understand the fact that he's NOT my stoopid ex-boyfriend and he's NOT the same like the rest...furthermore i don want him to be like them..so why am i feeling so so helpless when he ignores me? PMS sucks doesn't it? It makes your mind wonder into space...it sure doesn't help that i'm down with fever and flu too....Bah!!! If you're wondering where he is now, he's just opposite me at a corner helping a kid who just paid $150 for a skateboard!!!!!!! Gulps....

Anyways......dis post is going to be mundane i warn you. I don have my USB cables to upload pics and such so obviously it's gonna be dry reading. I met my beloved Ah2 on Tuesday at town where she treated me to a McD meal and we walked around and had the best time laughing our cute little asses off....we even went to play House of the Dead at the arcade while i waited for Boyfriend to finish his work stuff. By the time everyone was done, it was almost near 11 plus...
And so Ah2 went off with her boyfriend, Mr Apiz to give her mom a suprize birthday bash. So sweet rite? Apiz apparently got a cake for her..... =)

These are taken from her Multiply...thanks Ah...

And so me and B zoom off to East Coast Park where we hung out for a while. This boy is nuts about me. And come to think about it...i am equally nuts about him too! Haha...he makes me laugh...makes me smile...makes me see stars...what more can i say rite? Minus he fact that he can be a lil silly and laughs like a GIANT REAL LIFE SCOOBY DOO...hahaha....he's AWESOME. Period.

Let's see what else....OH!!!! I met my best friend cum frenemy Dee on Monday to get her wedding invitation. She's getting married this Sunday. Sometimes i don get whether we are truly besties or she was just a fren who hurt me in some ways. It's almost been a year long since i last saw her........it was freaking awkward but we managed to pull it off as usual. Talking about her, coincidentally we bumped just now!! Of all places, at my Boyfriend's shop. So weird......well....i wish her eternal bliss always. She's been there for me and i thank her for that from the bottom of my heart. Complicated friendships are too hard for me to handle coz it often gives me heartache and drives me through emo journey. Well....i'm sure i'll always be a part of her just like she have always been for me.

I'm gonna go off soon coz i'm sick and furthermore, i'm not gonna hang out with this silly boyfriend of mine tonight. Gonna miss him so the very muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I'm gonna miss my GIANT TEDDY BUI..boo........no cotton candy smell tonight....

Anyways....muacks to ya all.....loving my life now.... =P

2009-03-30T04:14:00.000-07:00

Ohkay..so i've been lagging again in my entries.but what can i do when i've been oh-so-bz adjusting to my new dating life? hehe..new relationships are always so sweet...no wonder they all call it the honeymoon period. I'm on my school term break for now..after the 14th then you all will see how hectic life is gonna be for me..i'll be juggling work, school, friends and now, BOYFRIEND. =P

But thank god for me, B has been sweet and i absolutely thank god for sending him to me at such unpredictable time of my life. I don wish to rush into things just yet coz they all say, even fairytales mite not always have a happy ending.....i do want this to be perfect and yet memorable always. I dunno how to put this into words....it's been so long since i last did sweet things for a guy....it's been so long since i was last pampered with sincerity, so honestly, so truthfully like a princess again...It's been sooo long since i was loved..and i'm learning how to do all this like as if everything is new again. Basically it's like 1st day of school....where you are unfamiliar with the surroundings and yet you know how to exactly do things the way you should be doing it?? =)

Anyways, last week B and i had our breakfast at Qiji....tell you guys, i haven eaten at this place for years!! Ever since i left my former work place and ever since i was single,i just stopped walking past there and no1 has ever tot of eating here with with me!Geesh..so eating there in the morning with my dear boyfren here seems so fun suddenly...it may just be Nasi Lemak and popiah..but Qiji serves the best i tell you all....hehe..So B and i now makes it a point to have breakfast every Wednesday where i will be on afternoon shift....and he opens his shop at 12...cool rite?

After that we just walked around Marina and Suntec...feels kinda funny walking around there at such early hours...the last i walked about town at such early hours was with Ah2 last year on her bday..Well, knowing me, you all would probably know what a shopaholic i am and indeed i ended up buying something!I went to Cotton On and i bought this huge long cardigan and a red shawl....just so it could match my new Mary Janes...hehe..B's reaction? Errr.....which guy likes to see their girlfriend shopping so much? Ahem...

After which he had to go to work and he send me off to my work place....Then later on at night we hung out at Marina Barrage. Never before have i seen so many stars scattered across the sky..it looked like crystals or rather diamond pieces being spread on a piece on black paper...that was a nice sight. Everything was perfect....he got me brownie nibblers from my very much fave Mrs Fields and i got him the Devil's Choc Fudge cake from Cedele. One more plus point about this boy? He adores chocolates as much as i do so it's double the fun that we can always share these sweet treats together. Everything was a perfect setting as you all can imagine until which we realised we forgot drink sand then the mosquitoes started making us their dinner/supper treats instead...That was a bummer..We bring insect repellent next time eh B??

These were taken and alas...please let these photos do the talking....Yupz...dats my boyfren peeps...the guy who got my heart...

Friday was my off day and i very much needed the rest i tell you guys. I've been looking like a panda of late and dat's not quite a good sign coz that would mean i would have to splurge extra on concealers plus longer time in the morning for make-up sessions. *shakes head* I hung out with Mei2 at Bugis and we ate at this Japanese Restaurant round at the back corner. It was pretty cheap and kinda nice too. I forgot what's the name of it....but i had this potato dish thingy and it was covered and top with cheese...best part was the price tag...it was only a mere $4.80!Cheapness! I also ordered this Small Salmon Don where it's just sushi rice topped with raw salmon slices...same price for it too =) Then whilst eating, i got a call from B asking me to tag along to his friend's bday party at Blue Jazz(whatever..) I almost choked! I mean, i am 1 girl who's not only downright weird but i have never done this EVER before!I mean tagging along to boyfriend's friend bday parties and such..and obviously i panicked BIG FEAKING time! Initial feeling was to tell him i don wish to go....but then that would mean that i haven changed. I would still be the ShaSha when i was with stupid ex-boyfriend...refusing to try out new things and such...after all i promised B that i wanna try out new things and go new places with him....and so in the end i agreed despite having the feeling of wanting to pee and shit all at the same time!! Damn....Firstly i was dressed up like an old workin aunty so i went to Bugis Street and got a new dress instead..hehe...semangat eh? Of coz lah i don want people to say things like...."eee..dat's your girlfriend ah? How come look like aunty ah??" Or they may not jolly well say upfront....but will give me the look of death from the corner of their eyes? How....Ooh..it turned out that B was also wearing red! What a coincidence!

Thank god it din sound or seem as bad as i had imagined it to be. I even managed to chat a wee bit to Shaun (B's cousin btw and he's attached....) and i even drank and said hello and smiled! Unlike me huh? It's a start...so yay to me! After which we rushed to Cineleisure back and caught the midnite show for CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLIC! It was a relatively ohkay movie despite some funny scenes which made me cracked up a bit too loudly...other than that, i guess the book version to it would have done a better justice for all true fans of Sophie Kinsella. Dunno about Ah2's reaction but this girl would probably be quite disappointed with it...she read all the books you see...Rebecca Bloomwood is abit like me i have to admit...i buy too many unnecessary things..especially when i am a tad too upset...I spent $30 at Daiso just buying nonsensically cute pink items and more cute stuffs which i don really quite need...hmm..Then again, i tink all girls are like her in a way or two....we all are but shopaholics in our own little way. Nonetheless it was fun. I had fun with B and oh...we even took neoprints!!!! Yay!! I managed to convince this boy and make him go inside that booth and act kooky and all silly with me...

Here goes......

I had so much fun these 2 weeks with you baby boy....please don just stop here k? Let's make many more fun stuffs together and more own movies? Haha...I love you silly teddy Bui....You make me my world stop spinning the day you came in...For now, no matter what size you come in, i'll adore all the same skater boy....Muacks. Love you B...

2009-03-23T04:46:00.000-07:00

How can i not slowly fall for his boy? =)

Okay he maybe a copy cat in a way...coz i surprised him BIG time on our first date by getting him a lil red teddy and his fave macadamia chocs..and a few days after, he did the same thing too by giving me a lil something. Knowing that i love to write and doodle stoopid effing nonsensical things which keeps sprouting out of my inner brain tots, dis sweetheart got me this. I was even more in awe when the original package passed to me was not only carefully wrapped, but in no less, a pink wrapper and comes complete with a pink bow..how sweet!

It's a PINK planner notebook thingy from Paper People at Far East which is cool coz with this, i can now:

1) Plan what to buy really carefully
2) Make and mark important things
3) Make important list and to-do-things
4) Reminder listings
5) Jot down all the DATES i will have with him in future..hehe

Why the sudden break of promise to myself you strawberries may ask? This boy adores me right from the first time he saw me...and true i have the every right to be skeptical of his intentions....but it will be awfully wrong of me to go and break someone's heart so pure and whose intentions comes straight from the heart. Why not i give him a chance? And why not i give myself a shot at LOVE once again? It's not looks that catches my attention as i get older now...but it's the way guys carries themselves and how they behave.

B is smart, funny, nice, fun, intellectual, silly, sweet, cute..sexy...what more can i ask for rite? haha..

And so 2 years on and i finally found the path back to LOVE and i'm walking on it now =)

Ah2..my dearest Ah2 said this to me the other day.

"Never scared of LOVE, never scared of being dumped, coz if you do you won't move forward. It's part and parcel of life. No matter how shitty it is, you have to deal with it. Never think of negative stuffs. Think of happy things you wanna do next........"

It may just be plain words to you all but to me, it gives a 1000 meaning. Basically, Ah2 just opened up my eyes again....if not my heart.

Talking about this sweetheart, i hung out with her and we ate at Gelare the other day. The other time i went with Tasha and Yom, i couldn't finish the waffle at all! This time however, i managed to leave only a tiny bit of the waffle and i lick the ice-cream spat clean of the plate! What ice cream flavor? My fave, Cookie Dough =)

And thus my remaining night turned into complete laffters and i almost peed in my undies hearing her crap too much crappy jokes....*shakes head* This girl is my forever 4-year old playground mate!

This is what happen to one of Santa's reindeer's who got left behind on last Christmas trip here on Earth!! I love her!!!

Erm..so what else?? Ohhhhh...i started wearing sunglasses to work and everyone had to laff at me each time i have that thing on! B likes it...so what?!

Hmmmm..........a bit like...entah....haha

And this one? She belongs to one of the 3 blind mice clan! Bah..haha..

Well before i go....here's me posing around on the way to a wedding last week....

And ooohh......i really wanna post his pic.....but i'm sure he'd smack me. Right teddy B???
I heart you ok....takmo think so much. As for yesterday....i'm soooo sorry for being sucha pinhead. I'm here alrite silly.....*squueezzee* muacks!

2009-03-21T00:57:00.000-07:00

This is how i madly feel about you B.....

"Ooh, I got a crush on you (crush on you)
I hope you feel the way that I do
I get a rush when I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you, a crush on you..."

For now, you're my sunshine, my GIANT teddy....my Babe.....my everything k? Thanks for making me smile once more. Seriously you are a blessing in my life now. I am sorry if you always think i don't care about you..thing is i'm busy and i'm sleepy and tired too. But you do noe i care and misses you alot rite silly?

Hearts you tons....takmo noti2 eh.......boo

2009-03-18T03:26:00.000-07:00

Wah....so many peeps are complaining why i haven't been updating this blog of mine. Chill ah...haha...i've been very busy with school......and some things..well...

You all know how i always like to rush things till the very last minute and so i had a freaking HARD time doing my Human Resource Management assignment!! Went to hand it up on last Friday and the lecturer insisted that i wrote crap and the referencing bit was done wrongly and i could FAIL. She asked me to redo after scribbling what nots on my paper..and so, bummer as i am, i just re-edited a wee bit and chucked it on her desk without attending class yesterday!

Other than that, after my birthday, things has been a blur.....ARGH! I got more than what i bargained for! I really outta thank beloved Ah2 for bringing me to Cineleisure that nite.......if she hadn't, i wouldn't have met this boy, whom i'm currently dating. Let's just say, we've been seeing each other for a week now and we just had breakfast this morning. Hehehe....minus the fact that he is Ah2 and her boyfriend's friend, he makes me feel safe...feels giddy....i get butterflies in my tummy when i go to see him at his shop. He is my GIANT teddy bear. The way he holds my hand firmly, the way he hugs and cuddles me and the thousand pecks and kisses he showers me with daily the past days all say one thing- LOVE IS IN THE AIR....haha...

Bui heart ShaSha...and ShaSha hearts Bui too..... =) hahaha

Nah...i won't post his pics YET....wait you kaypoh strawberries banyak songeh and banyak comment. Haha....he is right now, my sweetest addiction, my cutest skater boy =)

Ooh....now on this blog of mine, i make it sound as if i'm often dating a million guys. The ONLY thing is, i never did promise them a single thing. We went out as friends and it was up to them to send me home hereafter. So if i decide to move on to the next guy, it just basically means that i couldn't click with them, no chemistry OR they were all plainly psychotic dwits who wanted too much from me. *shrugs*

I am no girl who just wanna have fun for your mere info. I am a girl who would give my all when i know i have found the perfect guy to spend my days with. I put in effort and i give people chances. I stretch my patience limit and i can even change. Often what i get is a broken heart....so what i have learnt from all those past things is not that all guys can't be trusted, but NEVER RUSH INTO THINGS. TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME. HAVE FUN. BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, THINGS ARE HAPPENING AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT TO MAKE IT FLAWLESS. THE IMPERFECTIONS OF IT IS WHAT WILL MOULD YOU TO BE STRONGER. =)

Here's the very much anticipated pics from my birthday outing. Click HERE for more of my clumsy antics and me and Ah2 doing ala Britney and ala Salomah....haha..

I can't wait to double date with dis bestie of mine next weekend! And i feel super full cum excited due to this morning's breakfast at McD with Bui. Can't wait to see him at his shop later. And i bet he's feeling the same way too =) (Like finally someone responded.....)

I'll tell you peeps how we both gotta know each other on the next post!

2009-03-12T01:14:00.000-07:00

i had the most FUN birthday 'bash' in my entire singlehood life!! Who fucking care if i was just with Ah2?? she's the BEST!!!Ooohhh....i had the most wishes sent out and i also got the most presents!!! I fucking love being 25!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday 2u emak today!!! Akak sayang mak banyak2!!!

*PS/ i'll update the rest of the pics tomorrow.
*PS/ Btw, i made up my mind. He's not what i want at all. He was just another one that passed by.....should i happily say, fuck off? Hahaha

2009-03-09T05:08:00.000-07:00

*EDITED*

to myself*

And hence i turn a year older tomorrow, hopefully a year wiser too. Last year was horrible, a complete disaster for me. I was a wreck. Double boo-boo. This year however, as much as i hate to say this, though i am still yearning for that someone, life still has to go on.

Anyways, life has been so much of a rollercoaster the past year. From the emotional setback days i had faced to now where i finally managed to lift my feet off the ground and kick it in the air and have fun in my own little way =) It wasn't easy then of coz. I fell, got bruised but i got up alright. I let loose and fell off the wagon too.

Anyways, HAPPY ADVANCED BIRTHDAY again ShaSha. I am proud of myself coz i did stick to my promised that is to let go of my ex-boyfriend completely after a year. Now, i am fine again. I even reads his blog and tags on his tagboard. When i say his name, i no longer cringe nor do my ears ring like before. I am content enough to be walking on the sand grounds without my sandals on.....to feel the morning dew drops on my nose tips and when the rain falls on me without me expecting and me running in it. Either way, this year will be full of FUN and joys i bet. Just let me take what comes tomorrow slowly bit by bit a step at a time. Then it'll be thrilling.

With a happy clap, i can't wait for the excitement Ah2 has planned for me tomorrow!! She's the best ever!!!

2009-03-06T23:19:00.001-08:00

Been pretty occupied with things. Rushed through my International Organizational Behaviour assignment and managed to hand it up on the due date on Thursday. Hopefully, let's keep my toes and fingers tightly crossed. I only referenced 3books. Geesh...

I met up part-time boyfriend again and he being a nice guy, accompanied me to make the 'thing' for Ah2 and he even helped me to choose the stuffs. Aww...bless him for being sucha dear. And to pass time, we ended up shopping at a Pasar Malam pat Westmall....haha

And here's a damn funny story i indeed have to share. I bought Subway which happens to be one my fave food places in the world and he insisted on carrying it. And i so relented and allowed him too. But alas, our fren here couldn't resist it any further and so he goes:

He: You....errr...Subway tak halal tau..bes u makan...
Me: Ah2.....so??? Kan roti jer...bukan i p makan oink2..aper u...
He: Tak lah..i tegur jer...suker hati you lah...but tak halal tau...
Me: Irritating jugak eh you nie..asal lah you tak date orang pat masjid ke?

Well let's just keep it short and end it there. Not that i have anything with being religious. It's just the way i am, being a bit rebellious and liberated in my own thinking of doing things daily in life. If that is wrong, please pardon me. And if it does irks you seeing me do things against the Muslim Islam laws and rules which i should be by right abiding to, then stay away coz for now, i can't do so yet.

I am happy being this way, being able to do things i do without restrictions.
If i were to follow, it will someday be the words my husband were to utter from his mouth. =)

What's even more funnier was this part-time boyfriend happened to bump into his friends and his friends said the exact same thing to him! Gasp!!

Friends: Oik..biler mase kau makan Subway siot?? Tu kan tak halal....ke da jadi halal kiter yang tak tau??
Part-time boyfriend: Bukan aku punyer lah...
Friends: *all turn and stare half shocked at me*

WTH?? Tak paham langsong...cacat betol..pasal makanan pon boleh menjadi masalah..blueeekk! Nonetheless, it suddenly rained and he hailed a cab to send me home...aww...If you're wondering what happened to his 600cc bike?? At home sal insurance da expired. Haha...

Meanwhile, i met up with my sweetest ex-colleague turned best friend, Jay yesterday at Jurong Point for a dinner date at Thai Express. Her early treat for my birthday! And Ah2 joined along too. Happy to be with them both and i din realised that time passed too quickly. It's already been 5 years of happy times with them both!!

And here's Beyong-sei and Paris Hilton lost sista pat John Little....

Dengan price tag skali melekat..kentalan...ish3..

Ohkay Jay...now dat looks like a really long caterpillar you're gonna munch on....haha....

Sorrie gambar all looks yellow...and tungsteny..As you all know by now, i gotta new phone. The china one dat is..and i'm still getting used to it like the functions and stuffs. Being a Nokia freak for years, i finally strayed. Haha..who could resist the cheap price tag and the free 1G memory card?? And the TV functions...and touch screen thang? I definitely can't.....

And to test the camera quality, i took this cloud pic yesterday afternoon. It does works okay to me...few things i've always been fascinated by are STARS, butterflies, fireflies, rainbows and clouds. They look so soft..so pure, so much like cotton-candy except for their colour. Imagine pink clouds? Cute! Each time i look at them, i feel as if it's another place or another island. A place where everything is peaceful, calm, collected and serenely beautiful.

Met this other best friend last week and i finally took the train in years!

I bought this sweet3 cute3 pink Care Bear keychain at Mini Toons yesterday.
Why? Coz it's Pink and it has rainbow on it. Duh.

And this? If you're wondering, is a surprise gift from hawt classmate, Jason. This sweet guy promised me a treat at Long John and when he turned up, he bought this box of chocs along in his hands and boy, the look on my face was priceless. Haha....thanks Jase!!

My week have been pretty a fulfilling, joyous one. =) Simple enough to keep me going and smiling.

Gasp. I am 25 next week. What am i gonna be doing?? Geesshhh....I leave that to Ah2.
OMG2!!

2009-03-03T01:28:00.000-08:00

IGNORE ME....

ALL THOSE WERE JUST PMS FOR SURE, I'M CERTAIN.

2009-02-28T23:04:00.000-08:00

*EDITED*
And so I disappeared for a few days and I already have ‘someone’ complaining on my tagboard why I never update..Haha..I feel so the macam-paham rite now..ahem…What to do? The big boss is back at the office meaning I have to show him that I’ve been pulling every inch of my muscles lah…dat also means I couldn’t surf the Net…boo hoo

What have I been doing besides the usual mundane thang? Well, the last I wrote was that I met up with my beloved darling You En and I did!!! I finally saw her after 5 freaking years (alah..give and take ah..) and boy do I fucking miss her in every single way. This girl, this girl whom I should be calling Supergirl is my real life, life size cushion. She maybe faraway most of the time, but whenever I need her, I can readily know she’d be right here. And like Ah2 or Charlene, she gives me the best any friend can ever offer – ADVICE and comfort. True she’s 2 years younger, but that doesn’t make her any less smarter or any less wiser than any 25 year olds would be. She’s the best girl I know of her age and she loves me, and I love her. Nuff said.

"Darling, come back soon again in June/July won’t you? I simply can’t bitch enough just by having 1 night with you. Bear hugs! And ooh….i’m sure by then I would be telling you so much more than just one part-time boyfriend….haha….I love you…A LOT that is. Bimbos alive! Haha….Muacks!"

She's my Barbie doll......weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............

The obvious truth- I'm the blonder BIMBO.....and i'm pretty much proud of it..haha

And oh well....this was taken on her departure day...boo-hoo *cries*

Now don you think the cable-cars look like streamers/balloons floating in the air??? =)

Doesn't she look freaking happy? As if she stole dat bag......frumpy bag lady!! Haha...

Mind you peeps..look at the time..10++am and i have such thick make-up plastered already on my face!!!

And on a lighter mood, I hung with this guy, my current part-time boyfriend. Haha…..Errr.one of my current part-time boyfriends that is.

Da macam Power Ranger lah membe…

Ni da sah.tk boleh duduk diam…macam maner nak kua agik you….riding macam racing…

I am dating around. That is the advantage of being single. Now I understand and now I get the clearer picture. The FUN side to it. But doesn’t mean when I’m dating around I’m fucking around too. And even if I do, who are you to judge me right? And question is, why should I even be judged by you? Well, ShaSha 2009 edition lah katekan…so must aksyen sikit..

Other than, Wednesday hit The Arena agik. How come the live band always sing the same freaking songs Ah?? Ish…nope, neither Chris Brown-ie or that hawt guy was to be seen anywhere…Dammmnnn….I chatted with this girl whilst I was getting the drink. Apparently she told me the drink is called Cosmopolitan. And when I told her I tot it was called Sex on the Beach, she told me she tot so too. So now my fave drink has 2 names and I dunno which one to call it…Bleaurgh…

So Ah..thanks for the time …from temankan I having dinner at McD work while I gave you an earful about part-time boyfriend all the way to getting that dress opposite Cotton on..and wait there’s more…to the taxi fare. I’m sorry I’m dead broke this month. Promise you I’ll get you something betta….takmo sedih kay Beyong-sei….hhahaha.

I love this girl….ah….blessed as I should be saying my life is for this time being, I am down with fever. High fever. The poor guy I was chatting wit on the phone yesterday could barely make out what I was saying due to my constant sneezing.

We go on a date on my birthday k….like you’ve promised, Toys R Us treat please???? I want Elmo or Spongebob….can?? And bring ah your Scrambler…as long as you don speed sudah..haha” =)

And before that, i leave you all with me,myself and I...da sah takde keje! ahaha....saper nak sepak??? *ahem*

Step feeling radio deejay ah...hahaha

Cherios happy strawberries ya’ll.

2009-02-22T02:13:00.000-08:00

*hyperventilating mode*

I'm meeting my sweetheart You En at Vivo later!!!!! It's been 5 long years!!

Gosh!! HAVE SO FREAKING MUCH TO CATCH UP ON!!!

ARGGGHH!! MISS HER GAZILLION!!

2009-02-21T03:39:00.000-08:00

Okay this is just gonna be a random post. Don mind me....i just needed the break coz i'm doing this stupid International Organizational Behavior assignment due in a weeks time! And obviously my mind is pretty much clouded by the thoughts of it approaching nearer..needless to say, i always procastinate things! Haha....

These were taken just the other night when my Dad came over to fetch both me and my sister after our hard days work. =P He's the best. Period.

Ah..i love Momo..and he loves me. Sometimes, i do feel dat he's my own......And i hope someday i will.

Oh...wich look suits me best? I made this collage yesterday. haha...

The brunette, the fade to black look or this current bimbo blondie?

2009-02-20T23:54:00.000-08:00

It's about time anyways....haha
THESE ARE MY BIRTHDAY WISHLIST THIS YEAR =)

1) That princess Cinderella coach bed i saw in Defu/Nova flyer. Freaking $800!!! Similar to this one lah...cumer ader extra kelambu =)

2) Cupcake Maker available at all major toy shops. But i saw this one at Causeway Point Metro...okay so what if it's a toy..i nak jugak!!!

3) A pink LG K360

4) A surprise PINK party/bash for me..pat Sentosa ke....

5) This starry and hearts HOLGA on khloee.livejournal.com. Ah2 just inspired me and furthermore, this one's PINK!!! All the more i want it besides its TOTAL cuteness! Btw, this is for people who adore photography. Ahem

And just maybe.........maybe just maybe.......................................YOU. At least meet me for my birthday? It'll be the best compared to the ones i put above you know.....Despite all the craps....I'll forget about it. Everything just for this 1 night. =(

I so suck at these shit! *Smack my forehead*
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Okay..so now you strawberries now what i want, go and get it! Hahahaha

2009-02-18T22:57:00.000-08:00

So never mind the fact that work was dull yesterday and i looked like a Panda due to my 4 hour long chat with this guy i met at Tagged. (not again???but i swear each time we talk, he gives me serious cheek cramps!) And in the afternoon, i got some serious mosquitoe bite sized marks all over my face after i cleared the store room. Allergic!Ni lah..Princess orang kater kan....smua tak bleh buat...Hahah...masak tak tau, kemas takmo...macam maner nak cari laki eh...ish3..

But oh well, my night turned out the opposite thankfully with a glee! Wednesday kan ladies night.ape lagik...turon The Arena agik ah...Haha...and maybe, just maybe i have found another substitute for my addiction to painkillers, Sex on the Beach! Let's just say, semalam, drank less than 10 glass but more than 5 =) noti eh sekarang? What to do? I figured, nice girls always finish last...nak mende sumer tak dapat..mite as well i try out the so-called fun YOU said there was to be outside. At least i'm learning to start all over again, that is let my hair down. And so semalam, BEST!! Ok. Never in my life would i say gi clubbing best..but serious shit, semalam they played all these old-school hip-hop songs. So fun!! Macam takmo balek sei....and i was already TOTALLY tipsy abes...sampai jalan fly2, sway2...and i had to hold Ah2's hand. Boo. Still i noe what's going on k..and i din bual mepek like some...Ahem..

Again, alien tak dance eh. Just bob to the beat okay lah tu..That hawt guy was nowhere to be seen, so you won't be reading anything about him here. Haha..but soo00 many ang-mohs ysterday. And there was this 1 particular ang-moh, who din quite know how to dance but he was doing all this uber cute moves...so obviously he was having tons of fun.

So anyways, here's my best night yet to be said. =) alah..with Ah2 sumer mende lah FUN giler! She's my bestest girl pal in the whole world! And i love her max!

My current addiction =P

And these were taken at Rebel's toilet. Tat club sucks. Period. No free flow...basically nobody!

Haha..dalam jamban! Bimbo No.1..kirekan macam paparazzi shot ah eh..

Ni Bimbo No.2..seriously tak tau nak kencing ke pose..hahaha

Mind that dick Ah...ahem..

And dat's the Chris Brown wannabe kat sebelah...

Geesh..her drink is more than mine siot...well, needless to say, i finished that 1 up for her..XD

And so that's the lsat pic kat dalam cab...

So indeed, for this time being, i shall be a contented happy baby! And i'm pretty sure in time to come, i'll forget everything about stupid Paddles. *big grin*

Cherios!

2009-02-18T02:05:00.000-08:00

Some bugger tagged at Adek Tasha's blog saying mean stuffs to her. Geesh, this isn't high school man. Well, lemme conclude this in short. I guess some people's happiness would mean pins in another person's arse eh? =)

And another thing, did you all read about that baby Alfie story? The 13year old boy and that 15year old girl?? Geesh..what the fuck happened to sex education in school?? I remembered, when i was 13, i was still playing hide and seek, blowing bubbles, catching and other what nots. And i was 15, i did pretty much the same thing. No boyfriends at all!! Geek was plastered all over my face but i never once let it affect my thinking or allow my hormones to rage by ending up in bed with other high school boys.

Seems like the world has changed. And it's sad seeing kids, losing their innocence at such a tender young age. While other kids are still playing games, dating maybe or just doing whatever teens do today, there they are having to care for their young ones. It just seems awefully wrong in my eyes. Parents have to play a part too. I'm glad i never strayed far.....and i'm glad i could think. Temptation and curiousity mixed together gives the most unimaginable answer that equates to sad ending in most.

Maybe the world is coming to an end. Not that i am able to predict when. Whatever happened to purity, innocence, and obedience? Sure a flare of obstinate behaviour, tantrums and stubborness is common in all our teenage years but still??? I'm honestly lost for the right words. Geeshh....

2009-02-14T22:54:00.000-08:00

Hi ho the dairy oh..the farmer in the dell....

haha...pompan giler nyanyi2...anyways...woo hoo!! My Friday the 13th din turn out so bad afterall!!

Silly adek Tasha was LATE coz her dear bestie abes kerje lambat...and so, for the first time, i'm early! Nak denda pon da tau tau mcmner..Dammit...i spent half an hour loitering like an aimless soul pat Borders. Mcam budak baik kaper...pegang buku banyak2 pat tangan...act nerd lah kirekan..Haha..Yupz, being the bookworm i am, i did ended up buying a book from 1 of my fave autors, Dorothy Koomson, The Chocolate Run. =) The review seems nice...and according to Tasha..mcm my life story ikit2..Bah! Sorry, but i din end up in bed with any of my male bestie...

So we walked and walked and after kiter campak Miss Aseh pat Far East to get her hair rebonded, me and adek had our hair done. Macam kewl kan??

Okies, pics says it all...haha..malas mau type citer panjang2..

Tadddaaa...Tasha 2009 edition in the making.. PS/I love you already sweets...

Ni dabes...ape lagi..posing pat dlm toilet ah..cam-whoring begins!! Alahai...she says i'm her SuperGirl...kewl kaper..dpat nickname baru...

And i like her in this pic..cute kan? furthermore her hair looks real..hahah....and i loike the streaks oso..that's courtesy of my donation. Takpelah...let her be Nina Sky or some R&B chick. =)

Ni ah..adek sibok..nga tunngu Miss Aseh..she pon main rambot..haha..kecoh..hai..silap2 tercabot jugak hair extension tu..

Ni adek kan..da macam makcik siot pat pasar...pegang2 rambot...Member ngah citer hantu...

Dasyat eh 3 dara makan berselerak begini? Kiter kan kuskus..

Yay! Finally a pic of Miss Aseh and her....go Tasha's blog see her hair..macam Cik Pon oi panjang ngan baju putih dier dat time pat salon!!

No prize for guessing who's feet these belongs to? (*obviously 3 pretty ladies..ahem!)

And finally home time....boo...

True of what she said. It's the best gossip hang out session by far with her and Miss Aseh lah. (its only our 2nd..haha) And ni sumer korang dua nyer pasal, akak balek kakak pulak yang imagine mende2 mepek..Like the lady in white sitting on the sink and ader orang pat tingkap hovering! Seeeraammm nak mampos! Last2 takbleh tido sampai pagi...Panda lah..haiz...

Oohh......and Adek Fitriza...takmo lah gi buat extension jugak..rambot adek da panjang. Gi buat perming ke? Or something different? Don buang duit unnecesarrily. I like your hair gini lagi pon. Takkan lah setakat nak blog you nak gi extension..aper lah....and anyways, why don you do that China doll hairdo again? Cute banget!

And so peeps, if you're wondering how my Bloody Valentine Day went? Yupz, Bloody fucking boring. I was at home. Morning gi Geylang Serai ngan mak and Momo.

Now it's weird that Kampung Melayu looks like a piece of wasted barren land. Watever happened to the cultures they wanted to so invest and promote? Hmm...

Come to think about it again, no wonder Saint Valentine was prosecuted. The people then din want more hearts to be broken..what becomes of the broken hearted hereafter? Shit him! And for goodness sake, i don get why we are celebrating someone's death anniversary.

Valentine's Day is also my Matt and Taylor's birthday. I love you guys. Always. Irreplaceable you'll always be.

And Tasha, i bet my last Benjamins i'll have a bitch fit soon!!

2009-02-11T22:31:00.000-08:00

Tired+sleepy=migrane.

No good. I wanted to go school on Tuesday evening but i fell asleep from 3++ and only woke up at around 7++pm. I'm so slacking this term. Touch wood, i don wanna be failing any mind tormenting subjects this time round. Kena bayar beratos tu yang tak sedap. Bluek!

Dearest Ah2 came over to so called fetch me on Monday night from work place. Actually main reason nak gi collect the diary she bought for her boyfriend...but since she's already here..might as well grab a bite somewhere kan? And so, we walked and walked from my freaking work place which is at Tanglin Mall by the way.....all the way till.............................CATHAY!!! Again, i was pretty certain my kaki da nak tercabot macam plastic Barbie doll's. That's the thing with Ah2. She likes to walk. Anywhere, everywhere, all the time! And i tink that's the secret to her being so slim all the time. Damn.

No need to guess coz we ended up at our 2nd home, Starbucks and then after some hysterical bitching behaviour, we took a cab home.

So here's our starfish faces.

Ksian...mcm tangkap steam pon ader...

Haha.... then yesterday i met my other bestie, Charlene. 10 years of good friendship. She is indeed my pillar of strength. Should i say, she's like my milk bottle. Haha...sure she's stern and everything but most of the time,what she says makes absolute sense and it knocks me right through my poorly set brain. I can't help picturing her when she was mere 14. Geez....Anyways, we ate at my most fave place in the entire world, Sakae Sushi. =) Big smile plastered on my face when we left there and of coz i ordered all the salmon sushi i can find in the menu...

What else...........................i saw this pic again in my laptop ysterday night and what a difference a year makes!!

Left= fresh from a broken heart. I even cut the hair and dyed it black. Gawd.
Right- a year later.......fresh faced, long blonde hair....but still getting over a guy. How ironic!

But this time, it's just a crush. Different thing of coz.

Still trying to find a 1000 things to occupy my lonely life slots. So tomorow, adek Tasha invited me to tag along with her bestie to get her hair rebonded at Far East. Bless her. Hope it's another fun day. I wanna do more hair extensions too....But then petang skola. Grrr...

Talking about her...haha....sanggup sei, i spent the morning SMS-ing her crappy corny riddles. I wonder how her face must have cringed up when she saw my answers. Hahaha.....Adek..jom kiter gi buat passport?? Then leh gi Batam mamam A&W tau......naak taak??

Anyways...cherios...gotta finish up my fries frm McD =)

2009-02-09T03:18:00.000-08:00

Just a random post with regards from the eating session at Spaggeddies the other nite...

That white thing..is a 4-cheese pasta and its my fave! They stopped serving the popiah pasta thing i was telling you all about! Darn..on a better note, the manager kept her promised and gave us free dessert!! I ordered the Italian chocolate cake with ice-cream =) Sungguh lah kenyang..and i swear i looked 7 and a half month pregnant after that!!

Well....i'm bored..so here's random pics...which i was so supposed to upload donkeys ago!

Pandai2 korang rotate la k?

Ni taken last year..a few days after Christmas...went to Seoul Garden with makcik ku tersayng...Syarifah...she's a mum of 2!!! Sexay jugak kan...and can u all believe this fact. She belongs to the popular clan whilst me, being dumped into the selenge clan of coz when were in Secondary school dat is. Well, according to many, i have since changed...entah which part agaknye tu..

Whereas these were taken at a cousin's wedding last year too! With me and my real hair before turning it blonde that is.

My Dad and Uncle...muker mcm samer plak...

Me, Momo and sis.....that's his mum =)

Me and Mak tersayang........

What else.....Oh yeah..Momo's 1 year birthday last yr....

Love this boy for the smile he brings me.....no doubt i feel the urge to smack him each time he misbehaves...but when i see him smile at my silly antics or when he gives me a kiss on the cheeks.....evrything goes away. That i swear eases all my pain....

Anyways..these are all crazy random pics...

These were taken last year Christmas at work place....someone promised to watch it with me....i waited till the 'snow' was over and then nothing happened. Nonetheless...lawa kan??? Macam real punyer...

And this is my guinea pig..Sunshine. The ONLY one left behind..

And lastly.....these.....which i'll always treasure and love.....bah!!

2009-02-07T04:13:00.000-08:00

YAY!!! Lepas keje nanti nak pi makan Spageddies!! Hopefully that lady keeps her promise to offer us free food!!!

I want that popiah look alike pasta thingy..and that Seafood Platter!! (tho i am very much allergic to seafood of all nature...dammit!)

OOoohhhhh.....confirm menjilat jari!
Hahaha......

"I really3 have to jot this down. Tanggan gatal if tak mulot. You claim you're helping and caring for all the girls you were with....but does that fucking mean you have to snog all of them?? You're being a downright jerk there ok??? The previous 2 screwed you upside down...ONLY me...fucking stupid me..stayed behind. And i too got fooled. Then may i know...care you explain thoroughly again, enlighten my cloudy mindset that in what way, which part is the helping and which part is the caring??? Tak paham. Betcha consoling your inner self. Dick.Period."

Sorry Tasha kalau you tersinggung membace. Coz i know you care and love him. I don mean to critisize nor do i mean to bring him down. But i am just a girl from the outside picture. Put yourself in my shoe if you must to feel my pain. Hugs. I promise i'll let go k........someday...

2009-02-06T23:53:00.000-08:00

I shall consider Tasha's words with serious tinge to it. I could mean it this time. And when i do, i won't look back. So i guess before the feeling fades, let me ponder on the moments we shared while it's still in the memory, fresh as it is like yesterday..but so far away now.

Oh well.

For now, i shall live my life the way others wants to perceive me as.

Let me play along.
Let me be the clown.
What do i gain?
Hmmm....

So say hello yet again, to ShaSha, 2009 edition. Bah!

Row row row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily merrily merrily
Life is but a dream..............*winks*

2009-02-05T00:08:00.000-08:00

hahhahahaha...i jakon again....mcm proud gitu eh jakon....

Semalam gi clubbing ngan Ah2 jugak....klakar sei. Anyways..we went to this really cool nak mampos place called The Arena and there was even a live band performing. Something like the Hard Rock Cafe but cooler version. =) And whilst the band was performing, Ah2 suddenly nudged me saying that one of the performers look almost exactly like Chris Brown!!!! (just a more selenge version lah....) And oh boy...muker jer lawa...skali time his turn nyanyi....prapppppp....hancur!! Hahahah...

And oooohhhhhhh.......even though i've been blogging about not wanting to see any other guys apart from that freaking stupid Paddles yang so the tidak-menjadi-ape2...i saw this SUPER HAWT waiter guy there..and i drooled ah...ape lagik! Hahaha.....so HAWT!! Each time he pass us, confirm i giggle or just gawk! Ask Ah2...what's worst was when he told me, "Rabak siot.." when that Chris Brown wannabe was singing. Nasib tempat gelap...coz i felt so flushed! Blushing... XD Handssssoooooooo00000000meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

Nampaknye every Wednesday lah i turon saner..setakat hendak mencuci mate..hehe.....kiter gi eh Ah2....sanggup siot kluar masok club sampai 3-4 kali (eh???) Nak balek..half hearted!

Now i noe how i am like when i am tipsy. 3 incidents knocked me.

-When we club hopped to this club (used to be the old MOS), i almost tripped down the stairs! I swear i saw the stairs moving by itself....duh!

-After i came out from that toilet, i swayed left and right....hahaha

-In the cab home, i had a very strong urge to bual mepek all the way and i kept laffing and giggling kuat2.

Dasyat....but sedap lah...the Sex on the Beach drink. (i suppose that's the name....entah..) Hate3 Lychee Martini.......bluek!!!!

And so...more drinking sessions in the future with beloved Ah2 and all her friends someday.

Oh....btw, nope...no dancing for me....aliens don dance. *shakes head*

Fo now....i am a contented little baby!!! =P

2009-02-04T03:56:00.000-08:00

OK....have you peeps noticed the fact that i blog twice a day mostly?? Reason? Bored lah...my kpala otak da penoh ngn taik..hence i need to get rid of the excess craps. It builds up every half hour it seems. Hahaha

Anyways, i just told this to Ah2 yesterday and now i'm gonna blog about it.

GROSS FACTOR ALERT!!

What can you do with your boogies?? (that's your taik idong you gundoos...)

So i came up with all these various ideas of reasonings....

1) These are your self made play-dough. Collect bit by bit and sooner or later you can show your love for Barrack Obama by moulding a life-size figurine of him....or when the season changes...it's time for X'mas, mould your fave Snowman and stick it on your desk.

2) In a hurry?? Need to stick smething urgently?? No glue?? That's when the boogies springs to live. Dig some and stick it to the back of the reminder and stick it up. Ta-dah.....macam magic glue.

3) Hmm....feed the ants around your tables if you have them...

4) Last one? See how far you can flick it. Have a challenge with your buddy next to you. Takya nak pakai measuring tape sumer....use ruler cukup..provided it's that none sticky condition lah..it has to be hard and sturdy shape.

Hahahahahahahahahhaah.....best kan??

On the other hand, ingat malam nanti nak gi cucuk langit ngan Ah2..confirm jakon.....confirm kekek...confirm selenge....da lame tk gi....confirm terberak dalam slua.....jangan minum one shot, pengsan sua. XD mampos....

The sad part of my life is, yesterday balek umah, my cat, Chi2......was on his deathbed. Kesian. I had him since i was 14 and to think he's leaving me 10years later. =(
Blame me. Maybe i am a bad pet owner. Haiz.....nangis ah...time he breathed his last. It's so painful gitu....and i held his paws in between my hands for the last time......and then he was gone.........................................he's my fave cat. White, with blue eyes. My boy, i'd always say to him........sedih lah....... ='(
R.I.P Chi2..akak sayang selalu....................................

What else......lemme quote this before i forget,

Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna
Cinta ini tak mungkin ku cegah
Ayat-ayta cinta bercerita
Cinta ku padamu.....
Bila bahagia mula menyentuh
Seakan ku bisa hidup lebih lama
Namun harus ku tinggal kan cinta
Ketika ku bersujud......

I swear i am not the least keen in all the others. I am not even looking nor am i even feeling that same way for them. If i were to still choose, or even look, you know, it'd always be you. Coz why you may ask??? You are the BEST DAMNED THING THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN! And if things were truly not meant to be...that's when i try to find an exact replica of you - small, portable and compact. =)

The least you can do is to make me smile again. Please?? I don freaking mind...any way is absolutely fine with me.

I have changed.....haven't i? =(

2009-02-03T23:51:00.000-08:00

WARNING:
SUPER FREAKING LONG ENTRY AHEAD+TONS OF CRAZY PICS

Hahahah......My Tuesday was...well blissfully tired if there is sucha term to describe it. Since both me and Ah2 figured out that Vivo City was going to be a dull place no sooner than later, we headed down to Sentosa!! And well, sunddenly, that little island seems more to it than just it's boring name and beaches. And it's not just another tourist attraction. Oh hell yeah!!

From Ben and Jerry's cam-whoring......

This is where the ice-cream comes from....now i no...... XD

Udders....sape nak squeeze susu??

To waitin for the tram rides.....(i almost keyed in pram rides...hahahah...)

To Pahlawan beach tower.......

My live and very rare pet! Limited edition-1-time-see-only Strawberry Ah2,caged! Ish3..

Candy Empire!! Chocs...sungguh sedap..sungguh mahal pon...

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And to this gardenesque display of colourful of flowers!!!

She is "wanita melayu terakhir...."

Whereas me, "The Last Alien"...haha...pandai kape alien pakai bunga..

And btw, i did wish on this fairy...*cross fingers, heart and toes* =)

Look!! Moo2 in larp......haha...

Merlion sakit siot....purple abes....hahah

And that's the last pic taken while we were in the sky train. Awesome!!!! I sangat sukeeeerrr....This is usually what happens when i'm with Ah2....none stop cam-whoring and endless kepeks merepeks... I wanted to type, "We are indeed Happy anak Strawberries"..then i saw Tasha's post this morning using the same term!! Bah....so i'd say we are freaking happy Spongebobinis!! Yay!!!

For more and more gazillion crazy pics, click Sha2 and Ah2 giler.

And this one too....for last Saturday's piccies....And i am blessed...in a way..doncha think?? =)

2009-02-02T03:18:00.000-08:00

Each time i feel lost and my world seems about to crumble down again.........i close my eyes and shut them tight.....Then i see myself lying on your shoulders...and everything...all that pain disappears momentarily......

It's been a month...i miss you like nuts. Obviously as you can see, i am occupying myself in the most serene and sensible ways ever. I am even hanging out with new people i just met. Behind that smile.....oh well....no point blabbering coz this will all be like i'm uttering gibberish language to you. Right?

Can we just end this crap like what kids play with the, "geng tak geng" thing??? Why ru so childish? Why can't we just pretend nothing ever happened in the first place? It hurts ok......i am trying so hard to forget you, clearly that's what you wanted.

Seems to me, being honest is wrong in your world. I don fucking know what you want. Each night i seek peace and solace with HIM above. True like upteen times i have said, i can't and should never ever force you for anything to happen.........................but sit down for a while Babe....think again won't you?

I miss your friendship so much. I miss the way you message me daily from morning all the way till the wee hours. I miss to see your fave smiley on my handphone. I miss getting shocked hearing my handphone beeps loudly to your messages. I miss the way you describes the surroundings. I miss the way you fart oddly. I miss of all the crazy things you would say and do. Overall, i just MISS YOU. =(

Each time i read your older messages in my folder.....tears just flows out from the corner of my eyes and i go into deep thoughts again.....to see where i really went wrong.

Please come back? Help me end all this frustrations will you?? ='(

2009-02-02T00:04:00.000-08:00

Woo hoo....for once my weekends were heavily packed...complete with heavy duty shopping and heavy duty chit-chatting, cam-whoring,bitching sessions with my adorable sweethearts...Ah2 for Saturday and adek Tasha for Sunday. I feel like the energizer bunny/battery (pick your choice..haha). I swear my legs were about to come off like plastic Barbie doll's. Geesh Ah...

And one more thing, hmm...i truly feel that Starbucks is indeed my 2nd home..bleurgh! Look at us getting so the cozy sitting on the couches and me??? I even had the time to paint my toe nails red! (smangat Chinese New Year lah katekan...hahah)

And by the way...ahem....i finally had my hair extensions done!! Rase macam da bertahun i said that and i'm sooo over the moon!! Sis says i look like Rapunzel...and my mum says i am like a fairy tale character!! And Tasha says i'm like Goldilocks!! *princess mode* Wah.....but i think i'm having that old Paris Hilton hairdo...hmmm.....ni gaji nak tambah agik...kasi banyak...i don wanna look like org yang berpenyakit sei....ish....

Ah2 and me came up with this story. Dulu ader citer THE EYE, and that came when the girl had another person's eye transplanted into hers. And after that operation, she started seeing things...like dead people and ghostly figures everywhere. Now that i have had my hair done, it could just happen to me, titled as THE HAIR. You know..this extension is made from 100% human hair and hence, like what Tasha said, it could be "haunted". But oh geesh....worst thing that could happen, is me waking up with the hair coiled to my neck and me being dead of coz. Hahah.....

Pics says it all.....Happy strawberry babies we are!! Yay!!

And on Sunday...i hung out with Tasha and her boyfriend for the very 1st time. I got her some Winnies which she wanted and we ate at Gelare and after that, just lepak pat Civics centre. Haha...been so long since i did this with someone....so yay! We got on well....and if you're wondering how i know her?? Friendster. Whose friend is she?? That stupid Ironman/Paddles. Geddit? She's nice...what can i say.... =) And i still have to blurt this out yet again, she and Yom, are the cutest teenage couple i have ever met.....though abit macam org kampung..with the "awak, kiter" thang....haha...Minah ngn Mat kotai jer lah korang dua...

*PS/Adek...boyfriend awak so the senyap semalam...he MUST tok more...i tau i pon selenge...but oh well...haha..my hair is OK. And oh...when i look in the mirror semalam kan.....i saw this girl in the mirror........

instead she said back to me, "That's HOT"..hahaha

Anyways, piccies time!

Her super sweet+dutiful boyfriend, Yom (helo awak..haha) fixing her broken hairclip!! Cute kan?? Sorry if i sound the duper excited plak..haha...

Whassup with me and my fascination of taking pics of my feet and others.....geesh..(tink Paddles...haiz..)

Now, doesn't she look like a Winnie to ya all?? Hahaha.....cute kan?? Macam kuih pau pon ader....Oh well..she's like a sista to me...bah!

And i swear i look like an adult orang utan here.....dammit! I belong to the zoo......

Tengok Tasha ngn Yom makan waffles punyer lah cepat.....ish3....i din even finish mine lor okay....so the me-muakkan...

And i am a happy baby indeed.. =)
Thank god....

2009-01-29T00:41:00.000-08:00

Now let me elaborate this in great details so perhaps you'll help me out??

Andy..this very stupid Andy messaged me on the 1st day of Chinese New Year and halfway trhough, our friend got pissed, insisting that he don get why i am waiting for Paddles when he has declared he "sayang" and "love" to me. Can't he see that love can't be forced to order? True, it can be nurtured but i obviously need to find someone, someone whom i can fit the bills to. And our friend, ended up scolding me. Now what the fuck did i do? Just by rejecting someone so poiltely and i even did it as painlessly as i could...i got screwed like dat.

Pathetic.

I NO longer get boys....and for goodness bloody sake, i only met the fella once! And he can go on saying all these crazy mushy things to me. If it had been someone i am heads over heels gaga over, i would have reciprocated in the same manner without being asked to. But it turned out to be...Andy. Haiz.......if it was Paddles....the answer would be the most obvious, that is without me having to open my mouth at all...coz it's from my heart.

Just my damnest luck.

Nice girls always finish last.......i can change and be as rebellious as i can..but whom am i proving this fact to??

Being forced by someone to go steady with them is wrong kan???

And i should stay away from this guy kan???

Or will i get a more horrible name hereafter?

2009-01-24T22:38:00.000-08:00

How can i not ever love Ah2?? This girl always calms me down and put sense into my head. Like when i told her i can't find a replica of 'HIM' (yeah..you..) anywhere, she always manages to come up with something soothing to my ears. Haiz....And so, she came over to my work place and we headed home together yesterday. But before that, just hanged out eating our happy McD meals till all the shops there were closed. =D

And i'm heading off to her crib right after work for a movie marathon session later- IT, Date Movie, Epic Movie, The House Bunny and Don't Mess with The Zohan.....ooh...confirm lepak slack. Yay!!

And the other good side, i am addicted to something new finally...and it's TAGGED. Haha...Kinda cool kan..less complicating than My Space or that stupid Facebook. Never been a fan of it coz there's like a 1000 gadgets, widgets and programs to upload each time someone sends you something. So super tak paham and so the super leceh.

Senang2..add lah me ye? babyjc_filan@yahoo.com
haha...

Hmm...mundane is more than a common usage fit for my daily dull life. What else??

TO ADEK TASHA - la...winnie tu anggap cam advanced giler nyer birthday present lah..or happy-get-to-know-you present?? Hmm...and ice cream eh?? Ok2 akak byeh blanjer...but next time adek blanjer akak pulak lah ye?? XD birthday akak in 2 months time...go figure...hahah

And i'm glad you are wise and matured enough thinking things through. Sometimes in life, we are tested to see how far we can stretch, even things within our capabilities. So it's good everything is fine now. As i was just telling Fitriza that you are her look so similar at times..especially that one time when you had that china doll hairdo....takmo pikir yang bukan2 agik and don be freaking paranoid. Banyak orang sayang awak tu wei...

So before i sign off, GONG XI FA CAI!!

(it's 1 year after my break up..and i managed to forget that fucker finally.......i moved on....i'm happy.....had a crush on someone, i lived and smiled.............and for now, i dunno if it's gonna be you someday.........hmmm.....anyways, thank god.)

2009-01-23T23:42:00.000-08:00

double cheh-nez...ade ke i tot orang tu da ok with me...sampaikan ader link pat blog dier sumer skali makcik kiter yg letak kan.....i perah-santan keseorangan...hahah..but never moind...saper kate orang berkawan kene jumpe atau ber-sms hari2 kan? dats strictly meant for boypren galpren..*bluek*

thank god i'm one of the many super patient people around....and i am blessed with a forgiving heart. =) I forget things so easily that i don't even remember saying them or doing them in the first place. Tsk3...

I found this from My Hot Comments....

MyHotComments

MyHotComments

Haiz.....super true and makes sense doesn't it?? I should live up to things like that...coz i realised, at times my brain do seems like the size of a pea..without thinking, i end up doing the silliest and most unthinkable things. Hmmm...actions speaks louder than words still..

And btw, i feel like saying this to all the boys out there....ahhahah..

2009-01-23T00:44:00.000-08:00

Being the book worm i am, I can't put this book down ever since i bought it on Wednesday..I chucked the other one at home already...too draggy lah...haha..and now i am halfway through the book already..super fast kan?? It's just exhilarating....my heart beats at every page i turn...

Ooohhh....

I wanna be like Bella Swan too.....though i do find that me and her are quite the same sometimes....haha..geek...clumsy+klutzy, outta love......etc....

2009-01-22T23:55:00.000-08:00

Hey peepz.. . If you happen to read this in Multiply or Blogger.. .

Vote for Salamah!!~.. . She's Ah2's boyfriend's mom.. .

Please vote her for this "My Favourite Chairman Contest"..

How?

Just click on the link below.. .

http://www.wincouncil.org.sg/whos_who/view/north_east

Your kind vote will be greatly appreciated.. . =)

Thankz y'all.. .

So semangat Ah2...but since ur my bestie....haha..tolong you spread the word....

By the way, got my exams results this morning. And i'm soooooooooooooo00000 relieved. Thank god i passed all 3 subjects. No doubt it's just a pass...but i just feel as if a burden have been lifted in a way. Haha...and i thank Paddles.......for helping me out with that International Business assignment i did last year in November/December...the one on Procter and Gamble....the one on Pringles. Thanks for wasting your time on the phone with me quoting me all the various Pringles flavours in different countries and so forth.

Thanks eh.....i had promised you a treat.....but oh well....things and people change...and it should be for the better i suppose. Time doesn't permit me to doing this.........

On a slightly better note, i am able to eat a bit...my work place is gonna be closed for 3 days starting Monday. Dunno where to go...but Ah2 has said something about Starbucks (double yays!!) and Mei2 has urged me to tag along to watch some Hong Kong movie at the cinema on Monday. For the remaining 2 days, i shall take a long nap...and wonder into space a bit. Haha....

I saw Sunshine's post. Hmm...let's just say, i did that before too. Foolishly, i played a game. A game without rules, barriers and boundaries. Thing was, i got carried away too fast, lost in the own game i started first, lost in my own world without being able to distinguish reality and fantasy. And it all ended before i knew it.........all too soon before i can even mend it. Nothing started nor anything came out of it. But if could honestly have the power or any form of ability to turn back time, i just want to remain his best friend, the way i was with him. It's so much hassle free minus the complications and frustrations daily. And for now, all i can think of is "hmmmmm.."

And then i saw Tasha's post. Haha....young love often gets lost in a 1000 ways..but i have had soo many school friends who have been with their loved ones since they were 16 and freaking hell, they got married and produced many of their mini-mes in the end!!! So mende gini memang tkbleh cakap. I guess relationship takes a LOT of hard work. It's like exercise, minus the sweat in a way...haha

Here's the scoop on me. I was in a realtionship for 4years with this fucked up asshole and nothing came out of it in the end. Many promises but all broken and unkept. All i got of of it was a severe broken heart and i never look at anyone the same way again. We had plans, plans to settle down obviously..plans to have our own Brady Bunch, a house probably in between of Singapore where we can get to both our parents houses easily..so many memories then..now vague of course and a wound, only which a scar have been left behind but unseen to the world. *shrugs* I dunno....so i concluded....it's just not my luck....not my time yet. (Even after the other one silently disappeared..............)

Why bother to look if you keep bumping into the wrong ones instead of Mr Right?? =)

So for now, i wanna try smiling back to the world...maybe the world will say hello in respond back to me huh?? Coz i am alien afterall.

2009-01-22T01:22:00.001-08:00

IT WAs A sEAFOOD sKY WITH AH2 YEsTERDAY NITE....MuACKs..I sAYANG YOu sELALu AH.....HAHA...pOMpAN2 BODOH KITER JADIK sEMALAM EH...IsH...BIBMBOTIC sEI....AND MY GOD....I AM pEKAK..HAHA..KOpITIAM JADI pING pONG

OuR QuALITY TIME..AMACAM..FOR MORE GOOD BETTER TAKEN pICs..GO TO AH2 MuLTIpLY K...sHE sNAps FAR MORE NICER pICs THAN ME ALL THE TIME....

AND HEREs MY GIRL...HAHA...IN 4 WAYs....OOOH..IM supER FREAKING EXCITED TO MEET up WITH ADEK TAsHA...HER pOOH Is IN ALREADY..CAME IN THIs MORNING....sEE AKAK sAYANG ADEK...ADEK TAYANG KAKAK TAK....HAHA....

GOD..MELAMINE NEW YEAR COMING up MEANING GHOsT TOWN FOR DAYs...GEEsH...

2009-01-20T23:27:00.000-08:00

Hahaha....honestly speaking i am a bit too late for this trend...but since i da cakap..budak degil ni buat jugak!!!! Yupz..i am fucking stubborn and i NEVER listen!!!

Before pics...posing ngan sis..i'm the elder one k...geesh...

hahaa...action ah...

ape ni..baru perasan samer pose..hahaahahhaa...kentalan kan??

Thank god i have SUPER DUPER cool parents in the whole widest world....bising for 5 minutes pas tu tanyer akit tak....hahah...

Psycho sis accompanied me to Heerens semalam and yay!!!! Buat jugak!!! Klakar nak mati sei the whole process...at first mcm nak muntak, nak berak pon ader..then nak pengsan terlalu excited pon ader. XD But oh well, the whole process took less than 3secs and there i was drooling like a 6month old baby. Sungguh memalukan..tak sakit pon....terkejot adelah. So next month, navel piercing, here i come!!! =) it's ONLY freaking $35!!!! Murah kan????? Go there to Heerens!! The girl who did my piercing was SUPER nice!! So patient and so SUPER tolerant of my kanchong antics!! So Tasha, meh lah kiter g samer2.....nak tak???

Today somehow i am finding it soooo the very susah nak makan. Wondering what have i been eating?? Errr....mmm.....4 bottles of air bunga and struggling to eat the 7-11 mashed potatoes now. Stupid tongue somehow keeps thinking the barbell is food and i keep trying to swollow it!!! God gracious....hmmm....so new to this, so obviously i'm acting like super jakon again. Haha....

*pls give me tips on how to survive this crap can??

Anyways, please remind me how old am i?? =) I was at Causeway Point yesterday as usual and whilst mum was busy looking for fork and spoon set at level 3 (isit??? or 2???), i decided to act super kiddish with Momo and hence decided to waste money and i got myself a Magic Diary! Haha...so the da basi thing but it's super cheap and i couldn't resist buying it! Furthermore, it's PINK! ($6 murah kan???)

Question is, what can i do with it?? Hmmmm........

- In case my handphone dies, i can always open this 'diary' and search for numbers which i have stored rather than taking out scraps of papers from my wallet or an address/telephone book.

-There's a calculator function....not that i need it much...but for quick calculating while at the supermarket perhaps??? Manerlah tau handphone mati agik....kan3??

-Boleh plan my next blog entry on the memo section

-Decorate it whith crystals...as you can see what i have done with the D.

Haha...best jugak pe....Other than that...my life is mundane as always.

More pics. (dunno why pics jadik kecik gini plak...)

This is the sweater i'm knitting. Ader skulls... but lom abes....left with the hands section and i can wear after that...

But how can i ever finish knitting when Bob always ends up playing with my yarns and entangling them all up??? Haiz....

Oh you know......it just came to my occurence that there are a few things i won't be saying to any guys this year........3 guys offered to fetch me from work on Monday and i rejected all 3 coz plainly, i was just not interested. It takes a lot of work to like some1..be it someone you just met or someone...............................who'll always be there lingering in your mind....

1) I like you.....
2) You're special
3) I miss you....
4) You're different from the rest...
5) I HEART you

If i were to look for anyone else (which i doubt....) i will look for someone in the likes of you.......yeah..you over there. You know who you are. Not you exactly coz you won't be here ever......just someone who will be like you. Nuff said. I am stubborn..kan?

Well, for now, i shall go and try my hardest to swollow my remaining mashed potatoes..hahha...And by the way, hello to new girlfriend, Sunshine. *waves* Kiter luper namer awak lah.....

2009-01-19T03:39:00.000-08:00

So semalam tak jadi makan Thai Xpress coz the place was freaking crowded and why the heck should i be paying that amount of money if i have to eat outside?? Kan3?? Takde air-con, melele peloh i...haha..somemore pedas agik..tak payah udah..so in the end, me and Mei2 ended up at our 2nd beloved place of eatery choice, Swensen. Haha...you

malas nak upload individual pics so i lump it up into one huge collage as you can see here and so sorry for the gross looking array of food. The very reason why they look that way when they shouldn't be, is because i was using my other digicam which i bought at GIANTS many donkey years back. Despite the 8mpx...eewww...makanan sedap2 gitu ended up looking green and greyish in this pic. Haha...suits me fine coz i am ALIEN. Hmm...

What else?? Nah...things have been pretty much back to square one and so i am left picking up pieces of my life back where i left it at. =) I picked up my halfway read book, Love the One You're With last Friday and i teared up on the way home in the bus. (i'm a chick-lit freak...whaddaya expect??) Though i am not done reading yet, the title always gives me that jittery feeling. I mean, what if it ever happens to me someday? Sometimes i wonder who i will end up choosing. The past or the present? It's easy to say that i'll likely be choosing my present coz afterall, why would i wanna wreck up my happily built marriage just coz someone i loved from the past comes back into my life in the middle of the night by texting me on my mobile. Right??? Then again, human beings are never perfect. In fact they are far from it hence they always err. Haiz... When that day comes, i doubt...i'll be doing things as easy as i have typed out here. (see the amount of confidence i have in myself??? Haha)

And on top of that, i have been knitting back that old sweater i have been knitting since 2006!!! So, i am quite proud to say, i am keeping myself a little bit busy if not too much. School's been a breeze. Hmm...my course ends this year September. After that, hopefully with good results, i can go on further and take my Degree. Not that i am very keen in studying. The reasons why i am at it is coz:

1) To learn new things

2) To make friends with new people

3) Get new knowledge..afterall this is for my future

4) Past my lonely boring time

5) Get so damn tired so i can really sleep without popping that yellow tablet..haha

I haven't plan anything much this year at all. Well, lemme take my baby steps again and i'll see how things go. Stupid sister of mine cakap nak amek bike license but until today abok pon takde citer..haiz....Oooh....forgot to tell ya, due to my immense boredom yesterday, i went to my neighbourhood VCD/DVD shop and rented The House Bunny. And boy did i have a good time laughing by myself till 2+ in the morning....haha...stupid Anna Faris...haha...she's super damn bimbotic in that show!! And pink+blonde...haha...(seems half like me....in a way..i am quite bimbotic at times too...shhh....)

Kasi ***1/2 star ratings ah....

Btw, i am still quite pissed at the loss of my files on my laptop. It's just so mysterious. Tanyer my sis...dorang sumer step blur....nak cakap virus...tuari OK pe...sal plak tiba2?? Sedih lah!!!!!! Haiz...oh yeah...i found this pic of Momo in 1 of my many memory cards yesterday. Love him lots lah....

Thank god he's around to keep me entertained for now and i know for many years to come.....haiz..i'm glad...... =)

2009-01-18T03:59:00.001-08:00

I'm at work despite being off today...fetching my colleague..getting ready to head down to Holland V...nak gi mamam Thai Xpress oi..yay!!!

Photos will be updated. =)

2009-01-16T21:40:00.000-08:00

ARGHGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Can't help that. Here i am at a cyber cafe, alone and very frustrated+sad!!!

Can you now tell me why i hate my siblings?

I opened my laptop yesterday and to my HORROR, all my folders, school stuffs, pics, all Momo's stuffs have been DELETED!!!! The cruel pest who did this must have the inner most jealousy towards me and him. Boo..what the fuck did i do man??? Haiz.....nangis la ape lagik...........

i feel like running amok...but buat apeh kan??? My mum laughed at me yesterday and i soooo dunno who to complain to except to you sweethearts reading this. Geesh....Unfair!!!! And to vent my anger, i went jogging this morning. Yupz, you read that one correctly right. I ran and ran all the way till Bukit Timah despite my asthma. Nasib tak mampos separoh jalan...pump pon tak bawak. Booo!!!!! Balik da tercungap2 mcm anak ikan.... =(

And ish..i'm still angry!!! Tomorow gi pierce ah....this year, i'll try very hard not to self harm, instead, go with the flow of venting it on other things such as running malam2 buta ke...or go do more piercings until i dunno where to pierce. Knit back my miserable halfway done knits or at least, do my MOST fave thing in the whole wide world-SHOPPING. Hmmm....

Dunno..see how. No one's guiding me apart from myself. So nak katekan, no sense of direction pon ader sekarang. I am like a map without a compass kan?? Isit?? Entah..

PS/I'M STILL FUCKING ANGRY!!!! HAIZ...

2009-01-15T00:01:00.000-08:00

Ni lah kesayangan ku...my guinea pig for real trying on my knitted beanie. Haha...Cute kan?? Kan3??? Thing is he passed away last year....Haiz.... =(

Anyways, give me 20 freaking reasons why i, ShaSha, adores this picture so much and why i adore this asshole so much???? Yupz, obviously, the guy whose leg belongs to. Duh...(Even though he's not around me anymore). I can't find a replica of him anywhere!! Help me forget him. Device me something. Anything. Thanks.

Here's mine before you give me yours: (photo+person)

1) The smartest asshole i have ever known.

2) Full of kerepek mepek ideas

3) Darn damn funny

4) 1st ever pic taken

5) 1st time out

6) The ONLY guy i know who loves his siblings THAT much.

7) ASSHOLIC

8) Eating Paddlepops

9) Can keep me entertained for hours

10) The sweetest shithead ever

11) Heartbreaker

12) YOU do that-thing-you-do to me all the time

13) Coz i heart you

14) Flawed but u know it

15) Naughty but sucha simple homeboy

16) Contradicting always

17) You make me hate you

18) Come to terms with reality

19) The smartest/thoughtful guy ever

20) You make me adore you................

Haiz.........................................i wish i can turn back time and and have you around solely for friendship. I din noe friendship can be erased neither do i know that they have grace period in your world. Dammit.

2009-01-14T00:20:00.000-08:00

Wah...u all responded to my post. Gerek sei...hahah..anyways, all da solved pon. Sweetheart Tasha knows what shit she is getting herself into and i trust that she is that damn smart to know what is going on. Since that is what she wants, i fully support her. Afterall, they are all school friends (I think) and they would have jolly well set their barriers up right. If she falls, (which i doubt..haha), at least she learns from this mistake/experience. This girl, all i can say is, rugged abes lah...Opposite me, princessy and fairy-taley. =)

For me, hmm...it's always a pleasure to forgive people and indeed i have learnt that over the past year. (tol tak Seri?? peyok k???) Budak2 sekarang..tak paham ngn dorang...i stick safely to my beliefs. That is- STAY AWAY FROM THE EXES. Hence, that could be the reason why i won't date or stead with people i know belonging to the same circle. Kan macam bola, being passed around?? I dread that thought seriously.

And while i'm at it, a guy who fucks around gets a name, a reputation, a glorious crown, a title like a, PLAYER/PLAYBOY maybe. When a girl does the same thing, she will be called a slut straight to the face. How unfair is that? A few years ago i blogged about the same exact thing. Boys VS Girls topic. And it is so so true. The world probably haven't embrace the fact that girls can equally do the same thing as guys can too in this era. Maybe we should take our hats of to millenium girls like Madonna, Hillary Clinton and Christina Aguilera to name just a few. Why are girls still being perceived as a weaker gender? Just because we give birth, stay at home and clean up chores doesn't mean we are dumb. Just because we cry, we are labelled as sensitive, just because we can't lift heavy things like the men does, we are look down upon? Maybe i should conclude this theory as egoism. A guy will always choose his friends over his girlfriend because they don't wanna be booed at or teased at. Or worst, an insult to them, "Ko dengar ckp matair ko?? Weak ah...."

Go listen to Christina Aguilera's "Can't Hold us Down". Super song to perk me up when i'm pissed off. The lyrics to it are exactly what i meant to convey in this post. Hmm...

Anyways, lesson in class was super fun yesterday. We learnt about views and perceptions of others and I came across this model.

It's called the Johari Window. It's a model to determine which group you belongs to based on your personality. Very interesting so i thought i'd share it with u all. Try playing with the grids and see which category you fall under?

Other than that, i sempat belikan my dearest Momo his new pair of shoes.

Cute kan?? It's a steal at only $30!!! Half the actual price!! Can't wait to have babies someday. Macam best doll them up. Haha...other than that, things have been perky and rather alright. I am fine again. Hopefully, this year will be a blast, unlike last year. Oh so DAMNED.

Haha...I think, this year, i don't wanna think about relationships and being all emo. I know no1 likes that but i'll try. Paddles made me realised this. One should always be contented with one's lot and i should smile and play clown to the world like how i used to. Being single doesn't mean end of the world. But i miss the company of having tons of friends around me....laughing and cracking jokes. The worst part of it is, i miss Paddles. Not because of his constant nags or "those things we did" but it is, his daily SMS which never fail to crack me up that i yearn for so badly now. (Eg; those melamine sound for the funeral wake woke him up one morning...haha) And i miss the way he would always say, "Skali kan" or "Konon-konon kan" and all of his never ending stupid stories and endless imaginative thinking. Haiz......if i'm allowed to turn back time, i would take him as my friend back and nothing else to it. Not platonic and not having the intentions of cozying up to him ever. I just solely means friendship this time round. Coz i feel, without his guidance, i am a bit lost. Hmmm.....Dead serious. Cross my heart.

*PS/ I want to forget YOU, if possible...but how can i, when i see those stupid black Hondas zooming past me daily, Pizza Hut signage and worst, the stupid Ironman DVD/VCD adverts on busses? Maybe we got off to the wrong start. After long pondering this few weeks, i realised that you are more of keeper for friend rather than what i have intended much earlier. I found my best friend but i let him go...............................

2009-01-12T04:24:00.000-08:00

Hmmm...this will be a respond to my dear Tasha post.

This sweetheart, in case you dunno, decided to make peace with her boyfriend's ex-gf. Yupz. You read that right. Not many are able to do that. And honestly, i am surprised by her actions! If it was me, i would be feeling awkward to the max, let alone hanging out and sitting down over coffee or dinner, eating desserts, spoon-feeding each other. I'll probably have a bitch fit in the midst of our conversation and kill that women for god-know-what-reasons. I can't do it mainly because:

1) Admit it. I just have a damn good imagination! Haha..i 'll start imagining super duper weird freaking assholic things they did together before i appeared. (including snogging bits right down to the sex bits. Eg: fave positions etc....hahaha..i giler kan??)

2) Even though, calm as i may seem to be in their presence, once i'm alone with the boyfriend, i'll probably ask a thousand..no millions of questions, for the sake of my current assurance..and somehow or another, i'm very damn sure it'll lead to an aimless argument. (i'd smack my boyfriend or bite him hereafter..haha)

3) I'm just an insecure girl. Why the heck would i wanna make peace with my boyfriend's ex-gf?? Though, one would say, making peace and learning to forgive and forget would make an individual a happy soul. But still??? Hmmm...

So there..some of my main reasons. Takkan lah the ex-gf have no feelings when she sees her ex move on happily with his current squeeze?? Girls are different i would say. Either way or another, we will always have that jealous feelings buried deep down in our heart no matter how safe we might be facing currently. This is all mainly from past experience. Conclusion, girls will always be girls and babe, don't play with fire unnecessarily.

Agree everyone?? So girls,
WOULD YOU KEEP PEACE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND EX???
I want to see if Tasha here is wrong here...haha...

**Sikit2 cukup lah.....kawan2 pon gitu jer....OK??? But if you're doing it for Mr Boyfriend's sake or that stupid Ironman of yours..just coz dorang sume members....hmmm.....then i totally salute you to the max lah...still....play safe aight?? =) **

2009-01-10T04:18:00.001-08:00

Ohkay..i so suck at these. Just a few days ago, i told everyone that i wanna stop updating this silly blog of mine...but thing is, i am too free now and i always have a love-hate relationship with the entries i'm posting. DUH! Anyways, i've changed my layouts again(!) coz i just figured that if there's no pink, there's no ShaSha like to the blog. So now, i promise i won't change to another layout till the next few months or so. *smiles*

I was blog hopping on Syarifah's blog just now and i saw Fauzie Laily's blog! I seriously didn't know that he has the time to jot down the bits and pieces of his life. Honestly, i am not quite a big fan of those Anugerah boys but if i have to choose one as a fave, i'd pick Fauzie coz he's the simplest of the lot. =)

It's so crapping funny. Now that i have diverted my attention away from that someone, i am focussing back on these local malay celebs. I remembered last year after i broke up, i had a teeny weeny 5minute crush on Hardy Mirza and the aweful funny part to that was, i used to call him a tomato killer. I dunno where that came from..but don't you think he looks like a tomato+vampire at times??? Or is it just me?? Hahaahaa..Liza always used to smack me whenever i said that to her.

So who's my lastest crush this week??? *blush*

It's a girl....haha..she's hawt kan?? Minus that leaked sex tape and that she's pals with Paris Hilton. (i adore Paris...but it's only for her true obsession with pink.)

And pls don't fret..coz i still very3 much adore my Gee....hahah...and i'm not a lesbo. Not that i have anything against them. =)

And one more thing. I am so getting this. See who can accompany me lah...or when i'm more loaded and free.

Other than that, have a good weekend...i'll be as bored as always. I'm back to my obsession of taking the cabs home daily and taking that little yellow tablet just to go to slumberland. Never listen to people i guess....

Weeeeeeeee...finally!

2009-01-09T00:30:00.000-08:00

Gosh i love you Tasha!!!! Yay!!! This pompan/babe/chick/makcik..ape2 lah korang nak panggil dier taught me via SMS how to change my blogskin! And so here i am..finally all done up..feeling a bit jakun..and overly excited..haha..

So, memang i sayang u benor...hahah...thanks a gazillion for teaching this alien yeah? i can't help posting this entry even tho i am suppose to cease it. =P And since i am at it, i want this Spongebobinis!!!!!!!! I want! I want! I want!!! Hints people....my birthday's in 2months time...Seri, bigger hints to you! Haha..shame2 me....

Super kewl kan???

ShaSha in WonderLand bids Goodbye...in a way..

2009-01-04T23:07:00.000-08:00

I shall cease the entries for this blog for the time being....there's nothing much to update and i should start focussing on much more important things like myself. It's the new year afterall. I should smile no matter what they say. I don't wish for a certain asshole over there to say i ni too emo....so what right? It's my fucking blog and i'm emo because of certain shit that occured due to my carelessness. If thinking and wondering, pondering and being depressed is emo to you, then don't read. I beg you. Thanks.

What a small Singapore indeed it proved to be when sister's boyfriend turned out to know Paddles. I really dunno whether to be utterly shocked or just smile blankly at her when she told me that and all those crappy bits and shits about him. And the other day turns out equally pathetic. This Andy was playing the swing with me and he decided to ask dat certain asshole why he's no longer in touch with me....so thanks, now i know i'm too emo. And i didn't know i can be passed around like a ball. "Bes aku boleh kua ngn dier ah..." And your response, "Boleh...."

So admit it for once...i am your fucking past time right from the start. True, i have no rights to be angry with you coz i allowed for all that to happen...but which dickhead in the world wouldn't think, "why on Earth is this girl willing to spend the time with me??"

Initially i regret not knowing you much earlier..but after i saw all of what you messaged Andy....i think i regret knowing you ever. Girls are not play things nor are they toys for you to play with. I fucking hate guys...guys who are cowards in a way. Not knowing to say goodbye is one thing....leaving me to guess things is another. I should have given you that smack the other night tighter...so at least it'll leave a longer impact.

I used to say i heart........but my heart truly comes from my heart...and i don't think you deserves to be heart like that ever....nor by any other girls.....Yes i am fucking pissed now....but deep down at the corner of my heart...i know it'll take some time to forget you. YOU whom i once said to be the smartest guy i have ever known...so smart..so swit and so painfully hurting..YOU,heartbreaker...you'll never learn as much as i have taught you...neither will i.

I know despite all that i have written down here...deep down at the corner of my heart....i will heart you no matter what.....i will always treasure the moments you spent with me during my darkest hour........in a way, you're the BEST DAMNED THING that's happened to me in 2008. And i'm always here for you still........i bid you adieu......

FairyTales do Come True Afterall.........

2008-12-29T03:45:00.001-08:00

In Bedtime Stories that is. =)
I had a blast watching that show..wat can i say? Adam Sandler's in it and he's perfect in every way. Watched it with Paddles....Now suddenly i'm brain dead after typing that last word. So what else? Not much at all. I laughed a bit too much in the cinema (i think) and somehow i ended up wearing the wrong outfit again. Haiz...it all seems too awkward a lil..

Nonetheless, at least my Christmas din turn out so bad this year, in the sense that at least someone accompanied me out...Santa din give me a single damn thing...maybe i've been bad..or notti the whole year round huh? Hmmm...Thanks for making me smile, even for a short while that night. I felt as if you were Santa. Though nothing was given physically..i am happy enough to be able to spend that night with you. I din wanna go home....coz you'd know why.....My heart stopped when i saw those stars in the sky..all twinkling down at us that night. Makes me recall the times on how i used to close your eyes and force you to make wishes...And i hope you'd know why i din make any wishes this time round....they don come true like how i all along expected it to..We are friends.....friends wish each other. I guess it'll be that way.

"Ants lay their eggs in the water....." and "Oh..look..it's a kiwi!!".......all too funny....

After watching that Bedtime Stories, something kinda reignites in me that fairytales are real and they can actually happen in this modern time. If only it seems so simple as to get 2 kids to tell me the ending to my pathetic life story..or get someone to continue it for me...i'm tired..honestly. Waiting for a miracle that never seems to happen..but i'm sure no Cinderella...

I should bind myself..for all the unhappiness i've been through in 2008, for all the tears i've shed, the headaches and migranes in the middle of the night, the wrist slashing at all the unhappy tots, the puking when i'm in deep thinking, the aimless life routine and so much more. I wish i can be Peter Pan for a day..at least there'll be lots of happy tots for me to play around with.

It makes me wonder at times...all these....makes me conclude that God don't love me as much as he love the rest.

Reading Tasha's blog reminds me of the time i was young once..a time where i was in love once. Some way or another, happiness don last long in my world. So after 4 years it all crumble down to just faded memories. At least i learn to let go, at least i am proud to say, i learn to stand up. Unlike for some....tsk. Not everyone is the same i know.....but i learn so much this year. Then again, just when i tot i was ready to be happy again, things crumbles down again.

Maybe it's my fault. One should NEVER EVER pin hopes unnecessarily and my only fault this time was to get heavily carried away....to get so lost and drown myself so immensely in someone i barely know....all too fast...let's just say...so unlucky-ly me. Maybe those types are all the same. I'm not surprised if i'm left here alone without goodbyes. Goodbyes hurt too much.

I don believe in new year resolution coz i have been known to many not to fulfil them...however this coming year, i shall make it a point to make a few.

1) Never ever trust guys..coz someway or another they are dick heads (MATS to be precise)
2) Dos types will never change...don give a fuck the next time round..unless flings
3) Don be a sour grape
4) Bikers.....hmmm....
5) Don look again....don try to...

So hopefully i can keep to my word. And one more thing, i realise, it's actually taboo to write about LOVE in blogs...so maybe i won't do it next time. (if anyone ever comes by dat is)

Again, before i am penalised like the other time, this is not indicated at anyone, not even Paddles...its just another diary entry from a very sad girl...just lost in her own little world.

Knock! Knock!

2008-12-23T23:27:00.000-08:00

Who's there??

Moo Moo

Moo Moo Who??

Moo moo...cow in the zoo....

Haha...i still remember this and i still laff at this one...Very cacat pon ader.. now...what have i been up to? Not much really...I went to the Botanical Gardens yesterday with Mei2 and it was really "cooling". For a start, a "jakunese" like me have never been there and so i was in awe of everything i saw. I acted like a 4year old again when i saw the 2 swans by the lake. And 1 of the swan's feather came off and i picked it up and brought it home with me as souvenier..haha..(showed my mum but she smacked me instead..say "kalau bird flu mcm maner giler??"....geesh)

We stayed there barely for an hour..i mean lain lah ye kalo with boyfriend ke..ni tak..just me and her..what oni..I even saw a frog..but the poor thing's leg seems to have been either crushed or bitten by another animal. (probably a tortoise?? hmmm..) It was red and swollen. Honestly it was sucha painful sore for me and my fren to see. =( It even looked at us sadly...that kinda solemn face u noe and that help-me-please look pon ader...haiz...when i tried approaching it nearer, it got scared and started hopping on the steps but what i noticed was even sadder. The swollen leg seems almost uselessly dead coz it wasn't moving and it was slapping against the steps as the frog hopped onto every step.

Nontheless, my day was made up quickly when we stopped for lunch at my fave Sakae Sushi. We spent $60++ bucks there...dunno what i picked but i know mostly was Salmon lah...hehe..then of coz, my day out couldn't be complete without any retail therapy done to satisfy myself. I bought tons of ruffled undies and bras..dunno for what but i guess mostly were pink and you all know how obsess i am with pink right? Hmm...i also stopped by my fave shop, Cotton On and boy, they were having BIG sale..up to 50%..u can imagine the frenzy...haha...

Then Dad came to pick me up and we went to do more minor shopping and finally home by evening......My day seems mostly routined coz either i'm at home or out with mum and Dad. (Maybe with Ah2 or the occasional sweethearts who'll ask me out...)

I've been sighing too much...yesterday when i asked Mei2 to snap a pic of me by the lake, i was shocked by the aftermath. I din quite realised i've become that painfully thin. My arm seems like twigs in a way and my collar bone potruding out seems so unlike me. Haiz....I, used to be oh-so-bubbly and eat way too much garbage till the point i ballooned up to 65kg. I ate and ate..and i could eat pastas, cakes, ice creams, shakes, chocs...all at one go. These days however, my daily diet, either ends up down the toilet bowl, or if i'm lucky, i'll manage half a McChicken/DoubleCheese.

It just dawned on me that when i'm happy, i forget everything else. Only when i am stressed, depressed or unhappy will i stop all. I don want alot of things to end or go wasted if i can manage. Given any source of magical powers, i'd only keep one thing....coz that one particular thing makes me smile. I know certain things are beyond keeps. These days i'm OK again...not really there yet..but OK to keep me crack a little smile or eat something the least.

There are things i wish that can last forever..but obviously not. Now its momentarily, like as if i'm borrowing this happiness. When i look up at the sky, i wish upon the brightest star, the North Star........but never once did the silly stars hear me....maybe i'm too far away...

Hmm...ooh...btw, i watched Twilight already and it gives me goosebumps. Almost exactly to the book, this one is sure to be the next hot thing to Harry Potter. I giggled and smiled when Edward leaned over to kiss Bella. Though doom from the start, even vampires prove that as long as sacrifices are made, anything can work out....everything can be possible. LOVE is the most powerful feeling in this world. It makes your heart stops beating and yet racing with heat at the same time.

So right now, i'm in love with Edward Cullen.

I wish i was Bella Swan......hahaha.....One last thing, sorry if this entry proves to be longer than usual... =)

And Pop goes the Weasel

2008-12-18T00:21:00.000-08:00

Hmmmmm.......either i'm fucking nuts or i just don understand English or i just have too much emotions in me. By the way, i am fine...don get shock like you all do when i say i don eat or i puke way too much ate the sight of food...it's just me aite...the way i react when i am under tremendous stress. Never in my right mind have i thought this pathetic puking would come back or that wrist slashing...geesh....some people just won't change..and i'm one of them =)

Now in my heart right now...i miss a 1001 things about him. And he probably knows it too. My response towards him is always stiff and i noe it when i type the SMS...aloof...stern..monotone..Can't help it really..not that i want to. Certain things are hard to explain.The unfortunate part is, birds of the same feather all flock together and i doubt there's anyway i can make that distintive. It's almost impossible especially when i am clapping alone...no lemme say that again...it's totally impossible to do that ever.

Sometimes addiction to something is bad. Of all the things in this planet, i have to be addicted to something/someone who doesn't even appreciate. Probably, my assumption. It's half hearted. I listened to Simple Plan- Addicted this morning and felt lika sucha dick...Guess that's explainable. And i'm still going "hmmmmm"...

Hai....heartbreakers.....

"How long will i be waiting?? Until the end of time...i dunno why i'm still waiting...i can't make you mine....I'm trying to forget that, i'm addicted to you..what i wanted and i needed, i'm addicted to you...now it's over..can't forget what you say..and i never..wanna do this again...HEARTBREAKER....."

Why is friendship so complicated??? (you'll always be mine...besties. twisties.)

What am i mumbling about...i dunno....i feel so painful today...yesterday, the day before..since last week....since forever it seems...when can i stop saying "OUCH" huh??

Twilight

2008-12-17T02:42:00.000-08:00

True what Sharifah told me once....it doesn't matter if it's years or months or even weeks or days..bottom line is, it will still hurt somehow...but the situation here differs a great deal...coz i was clapping one sided...hw can there ever be sound? Rite..and i'm still going "hmmm..."

If you, if you could return
Dont let it burn, dont let it fade
I�m sure I�m not being rude
But it�s just your attitude
It�s tearing me apart
It�s ruining everything
And I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey so did you
So why were you holding her hand
Is that the way we stand
Were you lying all the time
Was it just a game to you
But I�m in so deep
You know I�m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger
Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrongI was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldn�t be so confused
And I wouldn�t feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you
And I�m in so deep
You know I�m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to. do you have to
Do you have to let it linger
And I�m in so deep
You know I�m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger
You know I�m such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger

This is For You.

2008-12-14T23:54:00.000-08:00

Maybe i'm no longer remembered as often as you used to. Though we are still friends..i feel that you have drift..so far like the summer autumn leaves it seems.

I'll remember the silly things and smile. Like this 1st message eva, "Hi, we have the same age..yay!"

Or "I-----N fear njing"...(wth....??) or even when i see a similar black Honda bike or that Pizza Hut rider...

I just remembered...Just a reminder that today marks 3 months of friendship. If i am still considered one yours, HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY.

Be happy always..i pray you get what you want and wish for. Take care..........

ooohhh

2008-12-14T19:31:00.000-08:00

This is definitely the cutest thing...nice on my back..or my waist... =)

Mere human

2008-12-12T23:26:00.000-08:00

I am being just mere me. If my heart stops beating over this, i am being utterly foolish. I don't count on lucky stars no more..or even believe in anonymous fairytales. Life moves on like a flowing river they say. I am a big girl...and i won't cy. And i will state yet again, i am NOT a princess any longer coz i may not neccesarily get what i want all the time. Human beings makes mistakes..and me too, and that without even realising, i got carried away. Like a kite would be, i am stable when being controlled. Let the strings go loose, and i'll end up flying so high..eventually i may even be lost within that clouds in the air.

I cried watching UGLY BETTY on thursday. What would you do if you have to choose? One whom you love or one whom loves you, who would it be??? I never had to make that choice in my life thank god..hopefully never ever. I guess the only choice i am capable of making right now is loving myself more each day. I lost that. Maybe i fell off the wagon without realising so what was i thinking...and i went, "hmmm".

There's so many things i need to release but sometimes people misinterpret your thoughts. Like for example, i didn't quite realised that i had flaws.

I may be quite clingy but its not my fault if i get the wrong idea upteen times, i may be ordinary but that's just me,i may be cheeky or even horny but what can i do about temptation? I may not be all that beautiful, but i am kind and patient to wait, i am not the most understanding person ever but i don't always demand. Overall, i am not perfect coz i am just a normal person.

Others may think i lost myself coz i was lost for over a year. Call it rebound if i had gotten that chance...but it is not. A heart don't lie i suppose. What can i do coz i am just a simple girl, yearning for the sincerity of love and the care of someone? If it is even a crime, asking for a hug or a kiss and then getting carried away, then i am guilty as charged. If liking someone was a grave mistake, i should have been executed for it.

Contradicting my ownself, but i see my life like that and feels like i am that kinda person potrayed. People can be judgemental i assume. When i thought happiness can be forever, it's always short lived. Mandy Moore's "Cry" lyrics just keeps playing in my head since Thursday......."I'll always remember, it was late afternoon..it lasted forver..but ended so soon........" Sounds familiar to what i am leading now..

This blog is not directed at anyone in particular. I am just pouring thoughts here as usual. Feeling burdened is heavy and restless. Maybe i am no longer the same. I have re-read this post over 10 times....i guess i'll just post.

For God's Sake

2008-12-10T01:14:00.000-08:00

I'm not smiling...what the fuck was i thinking eh??

Great...all my cheeseburger went down the toilet bowl and so did my apple pie and lychee and chrysanthemum drinks...

DAMN!

Have you ever.....

2008-12-08T03:20:00.000-08:00

I really by right shouldn't be posting this coz i am in a better mood today instead of yesterday...or worst on my last entry...still..this song describes all how i feel...deeply, truly,madly... =)

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
Cuz baby I can't sleep

But it all seems that...i am just gonna be going thru another phase and this one will be an "Experience". I thought about that word the whole night.....it keeps replaying itself like a spoilt tape recorder would in my mind over and over again....Well, somethings are meant to be whilst some are not. Maybe as my last entry wrote, i am not the prettiest girl your eye caught..or just maybe you just never did get over her. I am jealous in a way...in a way that i can never be in your heart like she managed to, in a way she left her little footprints all over your heart and i couldn't do the same......and probably in a 1000 more ways.....

Well...i really shouldn't be thinking anymore coz i don wan this little "fun" or whatever you call it to end so soon. I am already breaking up for dunno what reason this time round and trust me, it sure is no fun, especially when you start barfing all the food you just ate few minutes ago.

Hmmm....maybe i foresee myself losing more weight in the next few months again...haha...

And today, you made me laugh all over again and forgot about yesterday so soon. That's typically magic of you to do that thing you do without even realising...haha..silly...but i'll always heart.....hmm...

Question Mark of my Heart

2008-12-06T02:36:00.000-08:00

Sometimes i wonder..am i weak or am i just fragile...

Nope, i don't fall for every guy i meet down the street neither do i tell them i like them so frequently. Then why is it that i am hard to accept?

Is it coz i am sucha goody two shoes? Or maybe because i don't have the blonde hair you like?? Maybe i am not as petite nor as lithe as i should be? I am not as gentle and a thousand times as pretty and demure as the other girls that cathes your eyes it seems? Or is it just plainly because i am dull and boring plain Jane??

I have asked so many questions but i never seem to get an answer for all of them.

Is it even wrong to like someone in the first place?

For what i know, my likings towards you is honest and truth of feelings comes from my heart. I don't say this so often to any guys. Thus pardon me for being blunt...i am not good at all this but i believe that if you like someone, you oughtta let them know for it might just be a little too late someday.

I will wait...i can wait...but i wonder how long that will take.

It's equivalent to wating for a green bean plant growing into a giant bean stalk.

To me, you're special, you are different..and i feel happy enough and privilleged to be lying on that shoulder, to get a hug when i am cold, to have that hands firmly gripped onto mine when i am scared and to be able to give a kiss on that cheek.

The best part of it all, to watch you smile when i am doing so, when we are underneath the milky starry twilight.

I don't want all this to end......this could be a part of my fantasy always...or if the silly stars are right, it'll come true and i could be your princess someday.

Again, this is all my feelings i which decide to pour in today, to devoid myself of the unnecessary stress and the unhappiness within me...and i am sorry if i have to apologise should you start thinking too.

This is today. This is yet another diary entry from me.

Freaky or just coincidence?

2008-12-03T02:35:00.001-08:00

Me and Paddles went to Bugis yesterday..well to do some window shopping...(for him..i bought a sweater..) Anyways...while walking ard the flea market, an old guy tapped him and said "Assalamualaikum" and he happened to be those people yg mcm mintak sedekah but uses the excuse of "ikhlas" to cover it up. He passed Paddles this ayat2 stickers and we then moved from there..yupz, without giving a single cent of coz...haha..

Then after we crossed the road, we bumped into the same guy again and again he said the same thing to Paddles. Poor babe was stunned..haha..but oh well, we managed to get away again after he said, "Yeah you already passed me those just now.." Now for the freaky part, after a long detour of food hunting at the basement and seat space findings, we sat at these steps just near the traffic light facing the ERP signage. The same guy came and tapped Paddles again!!I was as stunned as he was was while having donuts stuffed in my mouth...-_- strange..

Now for the last bit, after munching on our donuts, we were walking back towards the traffic light heading back near the flea market when we saw the same guy heading our direction! Geez..

I really dunno whether that's pure coincidence or just a freaky incident of bumping into someone 4 times at Bugis! Come on..the place huge man....and why does he have to tap my poor babe of all the others right??? hahha..Maybe it was just another curious case of mindful forgetting...in terms of old age that is... =)

Rain rain...come again

2008-11-24T03:24:00.000-08:00

My heartbeat skips a beat...=) so what is this, this time?? Dunno...

I wish it'd rained non-stop like ysterday so u..silly, can hug me tite and won't let go....i feel so special.......felt like time stood still for us alone there. And i guess my arms are truly meant to hug you....it's my most favourite memory ever babe...i swear...i'll still wait..i promise....i heart you...

I don wanna grow up..

2008-11-10T03:53:00.000-08:00

Dunno whassup with the title..but i realli don wanna grow up sometimes. Just the thought of turning 25 next year March isn't something i'm quite looking forward to. Hmm..Paddles told me to just have fun in whatever way i can each day. I adore him. Seriously. His carefree thinking (even tho he is more lost than i am) is what draws me closer to him daily.

So plans for next few months and so:

-Make passport so can zoom anywhere i wanna
-Plan nephew's 1'st birthday bash
-Planning KL trip with ex-schoolmates next year April
-Planning more trips to Phuket with Ah2 (I'll be a lamp post..damn)
-Hopefully some trips with Paddles someday.. =)

Erm...just a few to name...and so i can't wait! YaY!!Paddles is leaving in December to Desaru..gonna miss him shit tho it's only 4a day...then in February to KL for a coupla of days.

What have i been up to??? Practically nutthing but just pure giddiness....and as embarrassing as it's gonna sound, i had my first bike ride the other day. Haha...i just had to put this. So i'll noe and i'll recall how silly i look in that oversize jacket which Paddles made me wear and in turn made me look as if i'm wearing nuthing beneath it, when in fact i was wearing a white mini dress...i can only blame Paddles. =) Been forced to cut down Coke..junk..painkillers..and also learning to listen to Electro House..Haha...silly don even noe what he wants MOST TIMES. He drives me nuts daily but at the same time, he keeps me sane, keeps me calm and he keeps me believing in myself. Paddles makes me smile again.Such weird usage of verbs but dis is how he is.....

By the way friends, you guys believe in platonic friends?? Its sucha freaky term to me...i never wanna believe in it....................but.......................oh i dunno....................haiz....

More secrets than melody

2008-11-03T03:43:00.000-08:00

Paddles said this song is about me....

Supertramp - The Logical song

When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well theyd be singing so happily,
Joyfully, playfully watching me
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
Logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
Clinical, intellectual, cynical.
There are times when all the worlds asleep,
The questions run too deepFor such a simple man.
Wont you please, please tell me what weve learnedI know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am.
Now watch what you say or theyll be calling you a radical,
Liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Wont you sign up your name, wed like to feel youre
Acceptable, respecable, presentable, a vegtable!
At night, when all the worlds asleep,The questions run so deep
For such a simple man.
Wont you please, please tell me what weve learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am.

Errrr...freaky and kind true in a way huh??? Hahah...

Others includes:
RHCP- Under the bridge
Stratovarious- Will my soul eva rest in Peace
Metallica- Fade to Black

HIS, i included:
Avril Lavigne- When You're Gone
Boys Like Girls- Hero and Heroine
Himself:
RHCP-Tell me Baby
Nickleback-Rockstar
Weezers-Beverly Hills

Haha....analyze 4 me pls?? Coz i tink its freaking real......Gasp!

Hidden meanings

2008-11-02T00:22:00.000-07:00

The best thing about tonight’s that we’re not fighting
It couldn’t be that we have been this way before
I know you don’t think that I am trying
I know you’re wearing thin down to the core
But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
I won’t live to see another day
I swear its true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find
This is not what I intended
I always swore to you that I would never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start
Oh, But hold your breath
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It’s impossible to find
So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I’m yours to keep
And hold onto your words
‘Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you’re asleep
Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don’t make me change my mind
I won’t live to see another day
I swear it’s true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You’re impossible to find

Now i wonder who's exactly impossible to find who....

Updates

2008-10-31T04:03:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when ur damned free..ahaha..

I haven seen Bus Guy for ages...i lost interest...

And Mr Nobody?? He sucks. Full stop.

Paddlepops??? Guess who.....hahaha...

Now i love blogging back...but i'm busy with school and work these days. It's tiring...working full shift till Monday. Crap...

But....guess what? I am not feeling tired the least bit....i am just sleepy...snooze...

Heard Seri princess is getting married. Bless her. The luckiest! Babe, i wish you all the best ever in this world. Wow....i'm sure you'll be pampered...i noe Amin....Congrats to both of you for being able to endure the test and what nots of each other...i can only smile for you...and send you my flying wishes and kisses. Nope, i won't ponder on my semi-charmed kinda life today. I'm too tired for it..haha...maybe laterz..hahah..oopsie...

Sexy toes

2008-10-31T03:49:00.001-07:00

i adore this pic so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sighz....

YAY!

2008-10-22T00:13:00.000-07:00

Hello aliens, insects and earthlings..

haha..so sorie that i just disappeared for mths...wel again nuthing new is happening in my eva so boring life...the only one thing probably is that i've gotta new BEST FRIEND. Hahah...

He eh?? Nuthing to gush about lah...not the one and not the kind who looks at me the way i looks at him. Haha..The nicest malay guy i noe...the sweetest without himself knowing it and the smartest guy ever. And also the FUNNIEST that i have known off..hehe.. His presence lately gives me a soothing edge and knowing all these, i am glad there is another place i can fall back on and lean onto when i am down. Within such a short time, he has taught me so much.....what more can i even say or ask for kan??

He told me to listen to this......his favourite song...

Remember when we used to look how sun sets far away?

And how you said: "

This is never over"I believed your every word and I guess you did too

But now you're saying :

"Hey, let's think this over

"You take my hand and pull me next to you, so close to you

I have a feeling you don't have the words

I found one for you, kiss your cheek, say bye, and walk away

Don't look back 'cause I am crying...I remember little things you hardly ever do

Tell me whyI don't know why it's over

I remember shooting stars, the walk we took that night

I hope your wish came true, mine betrayed me

You let my hand go, and you fake a smile for me

I have a feeling you don't know what to do

I look deep in your eyes and hesitate a while...Why are you crying?

Tallulah, It's easier to live alone than fear the time it

's over, oo-ooh...Tallulah, find the words and talk to me, oh, Tallulah,

This could be... heaven I see you walking hand in hand with long-haired drummer of the band

In love with her or so it seems, he's dancing with my beauty queen

Don´t even dare to say you hi, still swallowing the goodbye

But I know the feelings still alive, still alive

I lost my patience once, so do you punish me now

I'll always love you, no matter what you do

I'll win you back for me if you give me a chance

But there is one thing you must understand

Tallulah, It´s easier to live alone than fear the time it´s over

Tallulah, find the words and talk to me ,oh, Tallulah,This could be...Tallulah,

It´s easier to live alone than fear the time it´s overTallulah,

find the words and talk to me ,oh, Tallulah,This could be...

Sometimes even strangers can be your best friends..sometimes even strangers can heal your broken heart...and sometimes......things just happen..

And so it's true what they say....don't look for things..they'll pop by surprise somehow..

I am smiling again....

Untitled

2008-09-01T04:12:00.000-07:00

Hey ppl..

Hello =) Been a few months hasn't it? And so Seri started 'complaining' in "Where have you been??"..."What have you been up to lately???" tone..hehe..

Nah nothing much honestly..Not that my life is something to be so wow at now. It's the 1st day of the fasting month and i was pretty psyched up to fast honestly. I don do this normally neither am i so good at this each year...but somehow this year i feel 'grown up' and i feel like i am holding my own responsibilty towards my own religion in which i have been slackening in since my younger days. Not so good huh? Unfortunately i'm suffering the same fate as the little pampered princess Seri. Geesh...

So whassup with me? Hmmm...Nothing quite pleasant...i suppose

I passed my exams with OK results. There was only 2 freaking subjects and i got Distinction for my Statistics and a Refer Coursework for my fucking stupid Introduction to Management. And if you're wondering what's that...it simply means that i have to redo the papers again! Dammit...and so i paid $200 back for it and i have yet to get the darn paper. Dunno and don care..I'm doing my Marketing and Business Strategy dis term and the papers is due next week....Best part is, i haven started much on it yer =( hmmm...i'm no good at this either...

Number 2 exciting story? No...nope..i'm still single. (No1 wants me i guess...and i don wan them too) Me and a very kewl friend...let's called her Unknown X..went to chase the Bus Guy one morning! Haahaha..the nuts of us...what did we find out? He works at town! And erm...nothing much lah..while me and this Unknown X were talking for barely 5 seconds, the next thing i noe when we turn back to look on the path walk, HE'S GONE!!!! Errrr...maybe he sensed i was tailing..rather stalking him...haha..And so that's it...Haha..it was fun really. Early morning walking getting drizzled by the rain and with the fact Unknown X agrees he's super damn drooling hotness...with "zzz" sound..hahha. What can i say right? I still have no absolute guys to pass him my number nor smile and do anything. And so i just board the bus every Friday, get a sit and occassionally stare sideway at him. Goodness...

Oh...what about Mr Nobody? Still the same. Apparently his wonderful colleagues complained to my dear psycho colleague that they tried helping but can't do much coz each time they wanna wave or say hi to me, i run away...Thing is..i don remmber it at all!! Hmm...and i turn tomato red each time i bump into him. Sigh...And so this ends here too.

I've been baking ever since Marha gave me her old oven. I baked cheesecake yesterday but it all turned out quite wrong. I think i added too much cream instead of sugar....And i still bake the occasional cupcakes once in awhile.

Talking about Hari Raya season, doubt i'll be stepping my foot over to Geyland Serai this year. I just don wanna be bumping into people. Like i say gals....i'm not done fixing myself yet....Maybe 3-4 years down i'll be ok..I pray and seriously hope so. Sometimes when i look at guys down a street, i realise that i only stare just because they are drop dead gorgeous or just for the sake of starring. Seems like my heart can't accept another torment nor does it seem to accept anyone else......ever again. It so seems that in a way, i got it all locked up. Accidentally or not, i am fine with it now. I am happy being in my own world. I mean no doubt i get lonely and cry bucket of tears at night..but there's no more arguments and there is no other form of feelings that i need to get mixed up with ever again.

Sadly i even neglect people i once share tons of joy and laughter with. Maybe i have lost that ShaSha. The only time i am truly myself is when i am with Marha. She keeps me alive and kicking as if i never had a problem before. She keeps me company like what a true friend should do and she always does her best to make me smile. And dat's all i need. Her silly antics keeps me satisfied and indeed at ease. It keeps me going...in a way. And i am OK with that too.

Another person who does that is my precious little one. Never did i expect him to be my bundle of joy in so many ways. I anticipate home just so i can carry him and sing him "lalalala". (whatever that is..he seems to like it lots..haha) I buy more things for him than his own mother does and in fact, it's always him these days. I can't wait for him to grow up so i can take him shopping and walking around..

And what more can i ask for for this time being right? Except to brace what He has given given me gracefully and thank him.

Insya allah everything will be alright....

Umbrella

2008-06-29T23:17:00.000-07:00

Went out with the crazy colleagues after work yesterday....i was myself for that while...and i went to Orchard. =) Getting there i pray..

We took Neoprints and laff like little school girl lost in LaLa Land...even rolling around in the booth if i remember..haha

Hey how come i can't put pics up here?? I wanna show u how funny things look like these days...

Today..i hate Mr.Nobody. I dunno why...

He walked into my shop this morning with his bestie gal pal...and he DIN EVEN look at me...its just as if i was plain invisible...Did he mistake me for a customer too? Can't be...see..i told you i can't pin hopes on guys..they all sucks..

And i reckon Mr.Nobody is just like the rest...Maybe...I guess i'm just wee pissed...

I should stop oogling at all guys..

Boo

No fun

2008-06-27T00:27:00.000-07:00

Nope...din see Bus Guy this morning...sucky as shit...when im dressed to the nines today despite having freaking periods and not much sleep..Duh..

And i haven seen Mr Nobody for ages it feels...its alternate weekends..whaddaya expect right?

On a more fun date, i went out last minute with my dear Marha yesterday to Orchard. Yupz. I went to Orchard. (but i looked down) Basically it was girly fun shopping and chit-chats of coz. I miss her and of coz i love her. Marha is a genuine friend and she keeps me laughing like my old self when i'm out with her. And so i ended up buying that $40 gladiator sandals that everyone is wearing this days cept that it's a high cut one. Love it =)

And oh...she made me eat her merigues she made...haha..and i crushed it to the ground before it even managed to pop into my mouth...its good ya noe..Marha and her bf can bake good brownies. Bet they'll set up a shop too someday...

Well...that's it folks...and Sharifah...cetain things are hard to tell. There's reasons why my blog is made known only 2 two peeps this time...

This is how i disappear..

2008-06-26T00:46:00.000-07:00

Means nothing?? Nah..i've been uber busy crap as usual..and well, when ur uber busy plus tired, you just ain't gotta the mood to blog. What's so interesting about me this days anyways? Well, first up, i've changed the URL for this. Why you may ask? It's just that i feel in life...u sometimes gotta choose very hard. And so there are certain peeps you gotta let go..peeps who weren't meant to be in any part of your life but made to under weird circumstances. Peeps called 'friends' but never did do anything for you....so well, ive decided to erase some of them from my life completely.

Call me nuts...but i reckon it should be better. I pray..and i hope..

Well, lemme just some of the things i did in the 1 month i've gone missing. (Psst..i'm using my work place free wireless... =) haha)

I went out with Charlene a coupla times. Finally got her the charm bracelet from GUESS and thank god she loved it so. She even embarrassingly flashed it at the poor Sakae Sushi waitress for goodness sake ok..next month i'm gonna get one for myself and my mum. It's really pretty. It's gold and have a coupla hearts charms around it =)anyone else wans it?

And guess what else? At 24, i finally got my 1st 2 credit cards...YEAH!!!! Beaming like mad lor..even though its only miserable amount to spent, it's still my truly OWN credit cards. Haha..My VISA and Diners. Awesome...

What else...oh school only startin on the 8th..so i can spent the remaining days lazing around, baking and oogling at guys. Thing is there's no guys. In fact, lemme correct that. There's ony 2 guys - Bus Guy and Mr.Nobody. Duh....Oh oh...talking about Mr Nobody =)

My dear colleague went to check a few things frm his colleagues for me~!!!!! Well, she found out that he's painfully shy, he's 21 (shut up you all ok?? Don laff...grr). he's a computer genius, a bit of a home nerd, he loves his job and best part is, they even agreed to matchmake me to him!!!! Hahahahaa....*lol* Am i smiling now?? Yupz..wide enough...but errr...i don wanna pin hopes...i mean what if he rejects the whole idea right?? That's gotta be super red-faced situation. And his colleagues don wanna scare him too...Plus, why would he pick me, a 24 year old gong2 girl from space who behaves like an orang utan when there's thousands of pretty faced 21 year olds..right? =(

And another thing they said about me? "That sweet pretty girl"...hahha...i can't help but laugh alot when i heard all those..really! Well, maybe Allah did hear my prayers each single night and he don wan me to be so burdened and lonely. I pray some miracles will happen...it's all gonna be new again...but i don wanna try so hard this time..i mean i'll of coz work and effort but not to that extend ever again....

Hmmm...what else??? Only Seri and u Sharifah noes this web ad..so DON SPREAD IT W/O MY PERMISSION..thanks..i realised that now, i spent everyday with my family...and i don even go out anywhere. The furthest i'll go is Causeway Point with Lene coz i don wanna bump into people yet. When i go out with my mum, the furthest i'll step my foot to is Westmall. I still get heart burns if u all noe what i mean..i'm not the strongest hence i always pray to him above. I need guidance and directions given to me.

It broke my heart when my mum said to me the other day, "Kak...kau pon ader hak untuk happy tau.." but what can i do...i still tear up once in a while...i don log in to friendster as often coz i'm scared. My ears rings....still. I can't wait for 2 years...i pray it'll all be gone and be far away memories.

Tomorrow's Friday. Yeah..Bus Guy...but what can i do apart from staring? Nothing. I'm pathetic. I did try to smile but it all came out a mere crack at the sides..sheesh...i sucks. Then again, his is a worser case coz he's far too good looking compared to Mr Nobody. He won't even look at me i reckon and hes probably attached. Too cute and too everything...just perfect to look at...whereas Mr Nobody is plain and simple...just my other type of guy ya noe..well...i think we'll just pray and see what happens huh? hee...

Sharifah, next Tues nak kluar?? Aku turon Yishun k??? And Seri....i dunno whatta say apart from thanks...i dunno why. I dream of u so often. And i think we share the same birthday, that's why...and i also think you look out for me constantly....

Meanwhile. gotta go...eat my instant lunch and sleep a bit....I love ya...

*PS/Sharifah...baru aku tau aper Aqua Doodle tu...haha..

Happiness and Goosebumps

2008-05-23T00:45:00.000-07:00

How do you define that??

=)

I saw that bus guy again this morning in the bus and i can't help smiling like a silly little girl lost in her own world suckling on her lollipop.

I din give him my number obviously but he?? what did he give me in return??
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BUTTERFLIES in my tummy....heheh...

How can i not get smitten? Looking at that eyes like a puppy dog? That toussled messy black hair? That fair skin? And those small ears?? And oh..oh that cute small nose that gets red all the time?? Hai...Good looking guys normally comes with a very high price...and this one? I'm not going to be even pinning hopes on...he mite be jolly well attached....like i said before, with a face like that, why not right?

So now.....for all these whole time, i anticipate every Fridays. That's when i get dizzy...and that's when during that 30 minutes bus ride, i am once again 'ShaSha' all over again. Only 30 mins to be me now..but takes forever to find me again.

And now as i'm typing away, i can't seem to get that dreamy look of his off my claustrophobic mind. How unfair...

This is yet another wishful wish of mine - To go up to him and pass him my number and expect miracle. Truth is however, it might never ever happen at all. I got all clammy handed and shitty-i-wanna-die-now feeling in the bus. How can i ever smile his way when each time i always almost trip and about to fall flat on my face?

I wish, i wish, i wish...i'll bump into him again at 7-11 someday. And i pray i pray so hard something...sparkles over..Like glitter dust over the rainbow's ends.

=)
heeeeheee

M.I.A part II

2008-05-17T04:22:00.000-07:00

Woah....a month have passed since i last poured my penny thoughts in here.

Been uber busy and i like it that way even though i'm sick every week. Still, I try to make time for everything and everybody i have. I'm still a bit weak in the sense that i run home straight after work and that by taking a cab daily is burning a BIG hole in my pocket.

But, i'm halfway there =)

With classmates that make me laugh and one who teaches me things patiently for my stupid Business Statistics and able to make him go back home on the train again, what more can i ask for at the moment right? And going home even makes things perfect...seeing my nephew giggle and talking to him sure helps relief that little stress in me. And having my parents as best friends...i'm blessed. When i'm at work, colleagues who talk me into doing insane things and matchmaking me lift my mind of a horde of gazillion problems i have in my life. I haven't laugh like this...feels like yester year....

I get surprise phone calls from unexpected friends like Marha and Charlene whom i don always getta hang out with. It's true, i'm no longer the same ShaSha as i was saying in most of my posts...I feel like i've lost my Yeah-Yeah sistas. I don blame them obviously coz it's me who chose this silly path. I miss Liza of coz wihtout a doubt. Through this post, i'm giving her a hug she hasn't gotten from me for months now. "I love you alright...hang in there if you still care..."

Dee and Dira?? Both busy. I can't bug them coz one's getting married and the other's busy with school, work and boyfriend of coz. As for me...life's a bit of a breeze lately. Eye candy of boys.

There's this guy whom i occasionally bump into near my home area and i swear to god, he's the cutest thing i've laid my eyes on. What on Earth is sucha cutie doing in my neighbourhood?? Help?! I can't help salivating like a despo in the bus the other day and i amost fell on the lil step thing while trying to get a sit right at the back. Secondly i must have looked like shit coz according to people, what i wore yesterday looked purely like 'an apron'. Goodness.

I'll pluck up the courage and pass him my number next time before alighting. hahah...bet he's taken coz he's so good looking! But oh well, no harm just staring without touching right? =)

Oh what about that Mr Nobody?? Nothing has happened yet..hahha..all my colleagues found out for me was he's........................................................
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21 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And...single!!!!

That look...21?? i almost died of sheer heart attack. Suddenly all the boys who evolves around me are 21's and i won't be damn surprise if that cute bus guy is of the same age. Me, destined for a toy boy???? I'll be so like Samantha from Sex and the City!!!

Oh.My.God.

*smacks*

Well, i look like a panda badly these days. My colleague said that i'm the most perfect candidate for an eyebag removal ad. Geee...so much compliments. What else eh......oh any idea how much the Guess charm bracelets are?? I'm getting...maybe a few for special friends.....Unlike Seri of coz who got a Tiffany and Co one from her beloved. *bluwek with envy*

I just came back from downstairs at the bazaar flea market thang. I bought this Chanel bag which is white for mere $20 and an LV pencil/make-up case for $10. Cuteness! Can't get the real thing, might as well settle for these few first. Wait till i have saved enough..i so want that Chanel bag of my dream...*dreams away...*

Gotta go peeps..might be a while to my next post. No longer own the Net. Been passed back to the rightful jerky(macam beef jerky...haha) owner. And so maybe i can always pop by the CC nearby for along Net session.

Meanwhile, i love you all.....i swear to god. Muacks!

Mend my broken heart

2008-04-20T03:33:00.001-07:00

Why is it that, amidst busy time, i still feel a lil broken? Just a lil bit broken...

I wish for this feeling of my reflection of broken image to be gone...FOREVER!

I am supposed to be over it as per my last freaking entry!!!! I hate myself. I know, relationships are just mandatory. It's hence not as important as the ones we built with our families. But why do i still feel ever so lonely? Is it just coz of the rain today? Or am i just bloody desperate?? But for wat?? I'm not fucking desperate to have a dick up my pussy aite??!! Duh...

My heart keeps skipping a bit. And did i tell you that insomnia have decided to join me in life back?? Yeah, of all times, now. When school has started. I look like a panda today. The adult ones that is. I feel i have black circle surrounding the entire eye! Glitter make-up around the whole eyes sure doesn't help at all. Makes me look more like a damn clown..and who the fuck's gonna see me anyways? I'm not a babe magnet anyhow..Oh this sucks...

My boss came back yesterday and oh boy...the shock he got when he saw me.

My colleague told me that he was taken by surprise at my weight loss! I dunno..when i look in the mirror, seems fine to me. My body and all. True i can fit into a freaking size S now..but so what right?? Not a big deal to be shrinking from M to S right?? My arms feels like twigs tho..hmm...

And btw people. I need cash like SUPER badly. The ONLY thing i can think of for now is my knitting. WILL ANYONE HELP ME BUY MY SCARVES??

Just take it that it's for charity?? Selling for $10 each. What do you say?? It's just that life's a bit mad now. With loans, laptops, net and such every month, i'm only left with less than $100 everytime. Boo

Sucks

2008-04-08T07:42:00.001-07:00

Well, i got this private call this morning around 1am. And wen i picked it up, immediately i was annoyed.

Caller: Hello, ShaSha ader..???

Me: Ni sape?? How u get my number??

Caller: Hi..name i Hafiz, from Bedok..La..i found this handphone. I saw your pics inside. Must be old ones lah..but you know you look so beautiful tau...

Me: Thanks..but seriously i am so not interested.

Caller..You ader bf??

Me: This is going nowhere..so what?? Bye.

I hung up. And seconds later my phone lighted up. (it's on silent mode permanently for this period of life)

Me: Ape dier lagi ni??

Caller: You..

Me: Told you i tak interested OK...

Hung up again. And finally within seconds it lighted up again.

Caller: eh...asal you bual action sangat nie..

Me straight away hung up. That was it.

*grrrrrrrrrrrrr* I am so annoyed. I dunno who to be at most. Fucker or the caller. For losing the phone or for the caller to get flirty with me.

Kills me now with anger....

Blardy annoying.

Let me set the record straight. I am so not interested in people, boys who are like this. And i am not interested in boys now. I am not interested in people who think this is a funny cute prank. I am not those type of girls who will layan this kinda calls. Seriously, i am just not one of them. I don have anything against people who can carry on conversing with a stranger from the other line but it's just not me aite. And i jolly well will know how to carry on with my fucking life. And if this is a fucking prank, i won't fucking fall for it aite?? I will know how to find my own type. I am not a whore who will just go around fucking any dick. My pussy is defintely not hungry for those yet.

Just fuck off...

Relief

2008-04-06T08:03:00.000-07:00

Guess what???? School was AWESOME!

Hahha..and i tot i'd be peeing in class. Duh. Turns out that class only consists of 7 peeps and they are oldies. (I dunno if there will be more, all coming back after 'school break'. Whatever that means...) kinda look like it from my point of view. And what more can i say when i was the only one wearing like a normal teen. Ya i'm fucking 24, but you know what i mean.

There's 2 guys. One is the plumpy tough guy. He's not fat and not muscly either but hes OK lah. He's working in the Police Force aite..and the other guy....*smacks forehead*....He's exactly like our Azlan!!! Just a chinese version. Gawwdddddddddd!!! And he sits right behind me in class and the only big deal about him is that he just came back from Russia like 2 years ago. Geez..

Our lecturer..erm...no the school Director or something like dat, was pretty fun. She cracked us loadsa times but as usual, i was the ONLY one laughing the most and sniggering half way through. I mean, it's good that it started off REALLY well..much better than i had expected it to be. And of all the things i hated was the pathetic fact that i work in a bookshop. The entire lot of them have pretty good jobs i'd say. And when it was my turn to introduce myself, i so hesitated to say the fact i, ShaSha am workin in a bookshop, which pretty much involves shelving books and ordering stuffs. And from what i could see, i'm the ONLY one in retail! Pa-tha-thic...

I was smiling in fact. I mean it's too early to be bonding immediately with people. I don want them to think i'm a psycho killer. Haha..And so next class in on the 10th. It's gonna be a workshop based on how to write future assignments. Cool.

I like my life already..for now.

I was telling people...lots of them.....

"I MANAGED TO LIVE THROUGH MARCH. NOW IT'S FOR APRIL."

I was probably high on sushi,coke or my painkillers when i said that to myself and told them. Now when i'm by myself pondering, i think i am safe enough to say that i am in a much better place. I have lost my fear of falling. =)

I have learnt to forget pretty much half the things. Still the rules applies the same way - THAT as long as i don't see nor hear, i'll do fucking great. I mean it.

Talking about all these crap, there's this guy... =) at work. All along i tot he was a Chinese guy. Never took any notice of him and in fact i kind hate him for his arrogant behaviour and snobbish air-ish way. And so when..let's call him Mr Nobody. And so when Mr Nobody came by yesterday to do printing, i told him with a straight face that i'll charge him $2 each for colour copy printing. Our friend sent his staff down to negotiate with me. And so i came down with $0.50 per copy. Whilst he was gone, (told him to come back 15 mins later) my chinese colleague was like, "Hey, that's the guy i want to matchmake you to. " And there i am like, "HUH!"

Me: Which guy?? I tot you said the other tall guy..this guy Chinese wat..

She: No lah gong2, he's Malay. You din noe?? Pretty OK wat..how?? *winks*

I died right away after that sentence coz my whole face turned red!! Yeah..and all this while i gave him pretty harsh treatment and i think even mumbling in Malay by myself serving him...God!! What was i thinking....And guess what? He came by the shop again today to do more color copy. My whole face went bright red again sadly. And stupid colleague kept whispering to me asking me to make little conversations. Ha ha...

Well, both of us were smiling and giggling..err..me and Mr Nobody i mean. I dunno. Nothing has happen yet coz all this conversation is solely between my colleague and me. She's practically dying to matchmake me. I should be saying "NOT AGAIN..." but i'm kinda OK with it really.. =) I doubt anything will happen but its good to do some boy shopping right? I dunno, i have this impression that's he's married though. I thought he bought some kid's stuff from my shop....Errr..where am i going with this?? And he's 31 from my thinking view...eeekkksss...

So should i be doing any talking the next time he pops by?? But ask what?? I'm no longer good at these things.

And by the way, he kinda look like Maznee but just better looking. Well not that good looking but smart enough =) Oh well, you know what i mean...and i think Dee should know me best....hahaha..

See the smilies i'm putting in for this entry....heheeeee....Countless...I'm giggling abit again. And that's fast...

Oh my god!

2008-04-03T06:56:00.001-07:00

School tomorrow at 7 till 10pm...

I feel like shitting just at the tot of it! 6 years of not touching books. 6 years of not mingling with classmates. 6 years of ignorance. 6 years of being a 'suaku'. 6 damn fucking long years to learn something new. 6 damn years to wake me from dreaming in wonderland.

But that doesn't mean i have stopped dreaming.Coz i still am. So what dreams exactly you may ask? Dreams to me are like wishes...Coz we can dream but they don't always have to come true.

1)To get married is every girl's dream. Especially a fairytale one. And so is mine.

2)Having to wake up next to someone in the morning and feeling his morning breath fresh on my neck...chillingly exciting.

3) My goddamn business. I know what i wanna do but i don't have capital yet. Darn.

4) My driving license. Hahah...

5)Kids. My own. Yeah..i'm talking about them finally.

6) A good job even tho i love my current one.

7) My own car. Even tho my dad has offered his if i pass my practical.

8) To go somewhere outside this little island. At least before i get married.

9) To be BEAUTIFUL. Kak Sri taught me that.

10) To love myself MORE than anyone else.

And so i am still dreaming more. Haha...Called Lene today and girl told me she's registering for R.O.M next year after Dee's wedding time. Why are all friends getting married suddenly? Well, and so they say, my time isn't here yet for such complicating issues. But i do hope it'll come someday. I wan babies. I guess this baby drama comes from too much playing with my nephew. His silly giggles makes me hook onto carrying him and buying him all those silly tops and knitting nonsensical cardigans. Honestly, i hated him when he first came home.

Well, i'll see what the outcome for school is like tomorow. Hope it's good. Hope the class is not full of boring crappy old peeps. I'd be so stuck for one and half year then. God. I feel like shitting at the tot of it again. Yikes....

"Please breath and relax ShaSha...you'll do fine
alright??"

S.M.I.L.E

2008-03-27T03:45:00.000-07:00

I dunno. Strange as it seems to be, i am more at ease when i am alone. I breath better and i control my emotions better. Whenever i'm out with Dee or Dira, i can't help feeling like a 4-year old kid. I get totally emotional and of coz thinking. Who can i even blame in the first place when i myself disappeared for months and years? Right? Friendship don take overnight to be repaired.

And Seri, yeah of all people messaged me on my Friendster. I never hated her. It was just a miscommunication that got silly. If you had to choose between the love of your life and your best friend, no doubt you will always choose your love. And so i gave Amin up. He was a great friend. Basically a nice guy. Lotsa crap daily from his mouth. With him, i never had to sulk. With him around, i laughed silly daily. With him around, he was like a rubbish bin. Not just food wise, but i can 'throw' all my problems to him and he could always catch them without spilling it out. And YES, i have the right to be jealous of this girl. We share the same birthday but not the same kinda life. Her's is gonna be a perfect fairytale ending this year whereas mine will just be the semi-charmed kinda life. Where everything is just so-so.

But so shit happened like i have said over and over again. I have sought both sides forgiveness. So it's forgotten.....but who can forget that easily still? Hint: I can talk and be best friends again with anyone i want to.... =) Girls are such weirdos.

Yeah i admit i am still halfway broken. I have 11 more freaking months to mend this very much broken life. This is all according to Dee. She planned this out for me. I dunno. Maybe my emotions have gotten too much into my brain cells. I don wanna be the childish 4 year old kid now. But at this age, to still be jealous between friends is kinda absurd right? Haiz..that's me. When we go out, the 3 of us, i get pretty annoyed when Dee and Dira chats happily as if i'm invisible. And so whilst chatting on the phone with her the other night, i told her that one more time they both do this, and i'll definitely hail a cab and go home. Hahah...Yeah, i'm sucha bitch. It's VERY hard i tell you to be an angel when you're once known to be the most EVIL girl around. Ask everyone around and they'd say something either nasty or nice about me. I don mind coz i know where i stand.

Yesterday, today, i am VERY VERY peaceful. I am calm. Alhamdullillah. It hasn't been that easy as you all think alright? I console myself with words daily and compare myself with the luck of others too. Like those girls on TV. Like Jennifer Anniston. And so sometimes i conclude that, maybe i am just one of those girls who was just experimenting with life. Maybe i was never even attached. LOVE hasn't found me afterall. All that was there was purely a crush. And the list of daily consoling goes on....

You know, i am sucha freak. I tried so hard not to remember the past that i have basically 'lock' all my memory to the point where i now get severe migranes daily and i take any sorta painkillers especially those that makes you drowsy, just to so go to bed and sleep.

Haiz.....All i want now is to plan for the future. I can't wait for school in a way. It'd be like 1st day all over again. hahah...What's important is that once i get that cert, i'd wanna get a blardy good job. And let's hope with all those assessments, i'll forget pain in no time.

4th of April is so not far huh?? Gee...

Of Flu, Rain and Bugs

2008-03-24T09:35:00.001-07:00

Friday, 21st March

The ONLY thing that i am still able to do despite the ever so painful heart pain is - LAUGH. One thing i am proud of myself is that, i always laugh even tho it's the silliest thing i've done. Like when i mistook a customer at work for saying "tennis" to "chinese". I laughed so hard till i cried while serving her. And the poor lady bared me a clenched jaw look throughout. Haha. And who can i blame apart from my ownself from being partially deaf right? Honestly speaking, ever since "that", my ears rang so much it hurts and so now, i can't quite make out certain things people often say.

I bought this uber cute Barney top whilst at Woodlands pasar malam with Dee. Everyone knows how much i adore Barney. Actually i fell in love with this bumblebee striped top instead of this one...but too bad the aunty had no size and so i ended up buying this one instead. It's not so bad. I adore Barney and so here it is. It's freaking funny and my poor nephew.

And so it is...purple baby for that few seconds and so many snapshots too..all for the sake of finding the perfect one. Hahah..

I miss the RC people. I practically belonged there even tho i was from CM. My heart, soul and everything else was there. When they had a party, i went. When they had potluck, i was invited and ate even though i bought nuts. Basically the memories are all there. And to not step in there again kinda hurts. Whatta do...for me, memories of you-know-who has to be erased completely in order for me to heal faster.

I miss scaring Kakak, giving her a surprise "BOO!" and making her laugh after that. I miss being deaf to Din's mumbles. I miss looking at Irah's haircuts and her being a fashion chameleon. And i miss Elanor naivity and child-like behaviour. And how i miss walking around in circle in that mall and up the escalator without having the need to look down..i was so safe. Then...i still miss every single thing... =(

But what can i do? It's all part of memories. My heart broke when i got them donuts and couldn't go in there to look and smile, maybe even hug or share a few giggles with familiar faces. I can't coz i know once i step in there, i'll be broken all over again. Let me erase and forget this part first. After that, i pray i'll be fine soon. I'm not erasing FRIENDS. I'm ONLY forgetting pain.......

M.I.A

2008-03-20T21:06:00.000-07:00

Dat's what i should do..i think right now. I dunno...i have been feeling rather paranoid for no reason, emotional for the unnecessary, the non-eating part, the endless fever, the confusion of school starting, the mixed feelings for certain friends, the ups-and-downs of life settings etc...

See my thinking daily is never ending. No wonder i get sick and NO WONDER they say i look much older. But that's just the way i am. A normal person always think positively ahead but for me it's always the negative first. Maybe i have been disappointed a lot of times in life, too many times in fact that's why negative thinking always strikes me first. Thing is, if i think positively, the thing i want just never seem to happen. It sucks. Then when i start thinking the negative stuffs, a whole lotta good things seem to go the way i want it to...just that it's all said deep in my heart. Know what i mean?

I have come to learn, sadly at 24 that in life, nothing you plan can come true. Nothing you wish might be granted and nothing you dream of might come alive. It has happen to me, right before my eyes so how can i not believe this statement to be oh-so-true. What others said to me was right. I should start taking serious consideration.

"Move on ShaSha. Why are you still stuck here? Do something...."

Yeah...thing is i know i want to but the harder i try the harder i seem to fall. Is it even supposed to be like this? The only comfort and place i seek solace to is Him above. He makes me calm and sooths my heart whenever i utter my prayers in silence at night. I know he listens. Though nothing is being shown yet, just like how i have prayed of, i feel peaceful. And i guess, that's all that matters now.

I am sick and it has been for the past 3 days. Fever and flu. Haiz..With school starting and just round the corner, i can't afford all these sickness and gibberish talking. I need to buck up. I have been feeling down again, i know. Give me time. I know that i have neglect a buncha friends on the other side....but i am just not ready yet. Not ready to mingle all over again and laugh over my once favourite Raspberry Frappucino at Starbucks or sipping Hot Chocolate at Coffee Bean. I am not the same ShaSha you guys once knew of. I am now dull, lonely and liveless. A living dead doll. I admit i have lost some sparkles and sunshine and even laughter that i was so famous for. I am lost. When i walk crowded streets at times, i feel broken. You can't hear my heart crack but i do coz it's me feeling all of these. Hence the reason why i take a cab every single night from work. I just don't want to be remided of the memories which i so badly wish to erase and what is worst right now is to bump into you-know-who.

I thank every1 of you for being here. If i mention names, i might forget to include some others, so it's best to say ALL. I love you guys...but i am now just plain ShaSha. I need time for the old ShaSha to come back. It might be a year, mite be longer. It all depends on me at the end of the day. True words are easier said than done. Imagine yourself in my shoe. Just for 5 mins if not for a whole day.

"A girl who found friendship in 1 person, trusted and gave her all, gave up everything just to be happy only to have her heart broken into pieces."

That sums me up. Not everyone know how simple minded i am. I am very much into things money can't buy - LOVE AND JOY, HAPPINESS, LAUGHTER AND SMILES.

I love being that way. Like i have said before. I wish my life would be as simple as i make it sound to be. I crave love back and i badly crave the need of being hug each night. Have someone to call when there is no one or write secret letters daily to each other. I was sucha kid, a love mad kid. Now i am just forlorn. Whatever that is. I am 24...finding someone again, someone new and someone to trust for years is going to be so so so hard. For i believe LOVE only happens once in a lifetime.

Will i be able to do that for this new person if he comes along? Will i be able to open my heart again? I am so scared i am not able to. I want to move on....but it hasn't been easy.

And honestly speaking, hearing news that your own best friend getting married next year in this kinda time has definitely not been easy at all. Having to cope with pure heartbreak is one thing, and having to smile and share the good news happily is another. Of coz i am happy for her. Just think how Holly felt in PS I LOVE YOU when her best friend got married when her husband died just months?? I am feeling like that somehow. Happy but lost in some ways.

Haiz...when can i stop sighing and grow up??? -_-

Too much nonsense stated here huh?

What if?

2008-03-15T08:32:00.003-07:00

What if i never had a chance to say goodbye and die the next day? Would ppl know? Would you gals miss me as much? Would i know where to go and such? Would life be more peaceful? Would people here be hurt and sad..but only for a short while? Will their lives change? Will i be forgotten overnight?

Will i.........................................................and so many other questions....all left unanswered.

Haiz...